Why You Shouldn't Get Married When You Are Already Pregnant

This weekend my mom and sisters came up to help me get ready for my upcoming city hall wedding.  Though I didn't really think it was necessary, I still needed to get something to wear to this wedding and DF decided to make this his bachelor party weekend.  I kind of think we should stand in solidarity and agree that if I can't drink/party/have fun, neither should he.  But marriage is about compromise.  See what a good wife I'll make.


Being as I am at the 20 week mark, my girth is rapidly expanding, though I must have been in some kind of denial.  My plan was to find a simple sundress.  The only requirement was that it had to fit.  Though it is almost September, you'd think there would be a dress or two that would work for me, and I assumed that as long as I stuck to something with an empire waist I'd probably be fit into something.

I didn't take into account my rapidly expanding boobies. 


We started at Nordstrom, where even the dresses for plus size ladies refused to zip over my massive funbags.  Normally, as someone who is only average in the bust department, I would consider this a good problem.  But, getting married naked was not in my plans.


We hit up a few more non-maternity stores before I gave up, realizing I officially can no longer fit into anything that isn't maternity wear.  So we headed to destination maternity, where, in addition to getting fitted for a new bra (an effing E cup, BTW!), I tried on several hideous dresses that made me look SUPER pregnant.  I emerged from the dressing room wearing one atrocious mumu, and burst into tears.  My sisters burst into laughter, which made me cry even harder.  Apparently, poor little pregnant chic in the dressing room next to mine had emerged only moments before, also in tears.

Tired of this nonsense, the ladies drug me into Janie and Jack, where I absolutely fell in love with this cute little jacket.  Remember, I only just found out that we are having a little girl, so I have abstained from purchasing any clothes. 

My mom, proud grandma, likely fearful I'd cry again at any moment, got it for me.  I feel like a spoiled brat, but really, I have as much control of my emotions at this point as a kindergartner.  After they fed me, I was ready to continue.

We finally found a simple, baby blue cotton maxi dress at a boutique.  I didn't look like a whale, so I got it and we headed home. 

I was ready to call it a day, but my sister insisted that we "ho it up" and get dressed to go out.  The bitch dragged us to a bar, which may have been the most awkward experience of my life.  It was loud, and the baby pounded on the inside of my belly, while my sisters grabbed a drink.  Though the intention was good, I was miserable, and it was pretty obvious.  We left and got to eat again... the highlight of any pregnant lady's day.

Today, because the dress I bought was too long, I took it in to be altered.  The man behind the counter informed me it would be $18, and asked if I was really sure I wanted to alter it.  After all, it was just a simple cotton dress and wouldn't be worth it.  Fuck you very much.  

Let me say, if I ever get married again, I will not be pregnant when I do. 

There's A Person In There

 

Dear World,

I'd like to introduce you to my beautiful baby girl.  Isn't she amazing.  She has a nose, a mouth, two ears (I saw them both), 2 hands with 10 tiny fingers and 2 feet with 10 tiny toes.  If you look really hard, you can even see she has vertebrae... yep, my girl has a backbone.  She's gorgeous, isn't she.

Its so strange to me to see her little face and know that in another 20 weeks or so, I'll be meeting this incredible little creature that is somehow floating around inside of me.

And from this blurry image, I can already tell that she has my husbands nose.  We both have distinct noses.  Mine is skinny and pointed down, his is wider and just slightly turned up.  I was hoping she'd get his nose, because I think it is absolutely adorable on him.

I also recognize her upper lip.  Its the same one that belongs to my dad and grandmother.  It kind of looks a little bit like Fred Flinstone's upper lip if you look at it for a long time, only so much more adorable on my little girl.  Seeing my grandmother in her face makes me really miss her and wish she could be around to see this little girl.  She was an incredible grandmother and would have been the most fantastic great grandma.

DF is getting used to the idea of having a girl, though he has freaked out a few times.  He told me yesterday that she can't get her ears pierced until she's at least 16.  I told him that we should probably wait and see if she even wants to get her ears pierced before we worry about that one.  I know that he is privately mourning the loss of the little boy he pictured happening, but I also know that he is going to love this little girl like crazy.   

And Carlos is a .......

Today I had my 20 week ultrasound, though I almost didn't make it.  I almost had a complete and total melt down and I almost had to shank someone.  

I let my principal know weeks ago that I needed to leave early today (just 30 minutes!!!) to make sure I had plenty of time to get to my ultrasound appointment.  I told her that if there was any way that this would cause a problem, I'd be happy to take a full sick day because I have been waiting for day for um... 20 weeks.  She assured me it wouldn't be a problem.

However, when I was walking to my car to leave I was summoned to the principal's office.  Never a good sign, and never a quick trip. 

There was one of my trouble makers, who's parents I had contacted earlier in the day.  I'd informed them that their precious LO hadn't been doing work, was failing tests, and consequently was failing the class.  Precious LO that he is, he responded by marching into the principal's office and telling her that he was failing because I didn't like him.  AGGGGGGHHHHHHH!  REALLY?!?!  Though I know this was simply a ploy on his part to get me "in trouble", and that I had more than enough evidence to prove that the young man was not trying (ie. Homework Question: What did Darwin discover on his trip on the HMS Beagle.  Answer.  He really liked being on the boat because it was like vacation.) I started to panic.  It took a conference call home and 20 minutes before my principal let me go. 

Now 20 minutes late, I frantically drove toward my appointment.  Since I work an hour from home,  I had about an hour long drive to get to an appointment that started in 45 minutes.  30 minutes later, DH called wondering where I was.  Bumper to bumper traffic.  A car had flipped over and was blocking the 2 right lanes. 

Did I mention that in order to perform the ultrasound, I'd needed to empty my bladder 2 hours before the exam, then drink 4-8 oz glasses of water and not pee again until midway through the ultrasound.  And, it was 102 degrees today, just to make me more uncomfortable.

And, I was likely going to miss my appointment.

By the time I pulled in to the parking lot, I was already 30 minutes late to my appointment.  I ran, full bladder and protruding belly, through the hospital and to the ultrasound room.  I pleaded to be seen, and by some miracle, they had a late opening, so I was able to get the test done.  But, I had to wait, without the sweet relief of a bathroom for an additional 20 minutes.   Small price to pay. 

And we found out.....

When I came out of the ultrasound, I had 4 missed calls and 3 new text messages.  Apparently my mom and sisters were a little anxious too. 


Ultrasound pictures coming soon.

What if Carlos is a girl?!?!

We decided early on to keep our baby names private.  Why?!?!  Because people are stupid.  Just finding out you are pregnant seems to give them license to tell you what to do, how to eat and what you are obviously doing wrong.  Giving them a name to work with is just adding ammunition.  For example, when I told my sister our top girl name she said "That's a dog name!"  Also, the name we ended up picking.

So, as I mentioned before,  in response to the baby name question, we decided to go with Carlos.

A fine name, but my students, who were also asking many questions and providing a TON of unsolicited advice, asked what we would do if Carlos turned out to be a girl.  "Name her Carlos, of course!"

We never pictured that we'd have a girl.  I'd been calling the baby "him" long before it was even a twinkle in my eye.  I had at one point even told my soon-to-be-sister-in-law that if we ever had a girl she was welcome to it.  When it comes to girly things, I don't do well, and I figured baby rearing would just be easier with a boy.  But when it comes down to it, I really didn't care.  I am more terrified that our 20 week ultrasound will reveal some terrible deformity, and girl parts are not a deformity.  In fact, I'm pretty certain we are having a girl. 

DF, however, had his heart set on a little boy.  He's always had dreams of coaching Little League and buying baseball mits and such. 

I guess we only have to wait a few more days to find out.  Friday we have our 20 week ultrasound.  Then, its all downhill from there.  A week from Friday, DF will nolonger be my baby daddy... we'll be married.