41 Weeks

Uh, well, here we are again. 

This will likely be the last post that I write for weekly pregnancy updates.  In 6 days (or sooner if need be) we will be starting the induction process, so if Bug doesn't make her appearance soon I will be in the hospital by the time I hit 42 weeks. 

Lets hope that doesn't happen.

I am thinking/hoping that something may happen soon.  Yesterday I experienced my bloody show, which means I am now sans mucus plug.  I was thinking that the moment I spotted blood it would be time to start thinking about heading to the hospital.  Then I reviewed the pile of childbirth books that I now have floating around and discovered that this means that labor should start "in the next several days". Pooohey. 

I have been cramping quite a bit for the last few days and had those things that I think might be contractions this morning at about 9 minutes apart for over an hour.  Now, they are still lingering, but aren't as regular. 

Bad news of the day... my sister has some dreaded illness ( fever and cough) that started on Thursday.  We had a breakfast/farmers market trip planned for this morning, but I'm staying away from her and her plagued ass.  She has vowed to stay in bed, load up on fluids and vitamin c, and get better fast so that she can be around when Bug falls out.  I told her not to worry too much, as it doesn't seem like there is any real reason to hurry.

The real tragedy is that I don't have plans for breakfast and I am STARVING! Beware, I may bite.


I will update when more exciting things start to happen.

False Labor Again?

Last night I woke up with terrible cramps at about 2 am. It felt like the top of my uterus was trying to climb out of my mouth and the bottom of my uterus felt like I needed to poop or terrible menstral cramps. Labor, maybe?

DH hurt his back on Monday at work and decided to take a muscle relaxer last night. Though he's had back problems before, thus the access to drugs, he rarely takes medication or drinks. This is yet another piece of evidence that we are polar opposites. I need 2 bloody marys just to get on a plane with many drinks on the flight. Because DH isn't used to the drugs, he passed out within minutes of his head hit the pillow and couldn't be woken up by a nuclear war taking place in our bedroom.

I decided to work on lesson planning because there is more than enough to do. Contractions were 6 minutes apart.

After hours of planning and a bath, my contractions lost their consistency, so I have been napping on and off all morning.

I have a Dr.'s appointment so Im hoping we'll have some dilation happening. Will follow up if I can... just updating and running for now.

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False Labor

On Saturday night I started having what I think was contractions.  My doctor explained that it would feel like pain shooting from the top of my uterus and working its was down.  That's not what it felt like.

I felt a very intense tightening at the top of my uterus, followed by tightening in the rest of my uterus and a teeny bit of back pain.  It felt like the the Braxton Hicks contractions that I have been having for the past 2 months, only way more intense and at regular intervals. 

At about 11 pm, these contractions were happening every 7 minutes.  DH was starting to get anxious and wanted to know if we should start heading to the hospital.  Knowing that they'd turn us away with contractions this far apart, I suggested we go try to get some sleep and wake up early to get the pets ready for being on their own.  We had a list of things we still wanted to do, and from everything I'd read, we should have plenty of time.

DH kept excitedly squealing "Tomorrow we are going to have a baby!" and we cuddled and talked about what she might be like.  Soon after he drifted off to sleep.

It took several hours before I could fall asleep.  The contractions stayed about 7 minutes apart, but were getting a little more painful.  I was too uncomfortable and excited to sleep.

I woke up early, and noticed that the contractions had slowed significantly.  They were now about 20 minutes apart.  I figured this was caused by innactivity, and decided that we should start getting ready anyway, and perhaps the activity would start the contractions again.

I was scheduled to do brunch with my sister, but DH and I know full well that if anyone in my family gets wind of labor, they'll all be over in no time flat.  We've decided we want to go through the delivery together, ALONE, so I made up a story about feeling nauseous and declined the brunch invite.  My sis hates all things vomit and she didn't question it.

DH is responsible for doing payroll at work, and payroll needed to be done this Monday.  To make sure that no one went unpaid, DH went in for a few hours and got as much work done as he could.  I stayed and cleaned up around the house and did a little more lesson planning.

Sometime during the late morning and early afternoon the contractions stopped. 

And they haven't started back up.

And people are still calling, and facebooking and texting excitedly to see if the baby is coming.

And I am starting to feel like I am letting people down.

I feel like I'm going absolutely nutty.  Everytime I feel a weird kick I get excited and then quickly realize that nothing is happening.  I know she'll come when she is ready, but I wish I knew when.

I have been knitting and crochetting like crazy to try to keep my mind occupied.  I've made a scarf and and pair of crochetted Mary Jane's.  Here's my first attempt:

The one on the left was try #1 and my second attempt is on the right.  I'm going to make a 3rd to replace #1, you know, now that I have some extra time on my hands.  Note the ladybug buttons, they are my favorite. 

I'm super mopy since DH had to work today.  Apparently, everyone else has MLK day off so that they can call me and ask where the baby is. 

This sucks.  I'm ready for the baby to fall out.

40 weeks

Today is my due date.

Still no baby.

However, I have gotten 3 phone calls, several text messages and 2 facebook comments asking me if there is any sign of the baby.

People suck.

I have been having quite a bit of cramping and my pelvic and sciatic pain is back in full force. But nothing else.

DH and decided to try to get our minds off of the baby by going out to a late breakfast and movie date. And we got ice cream after.

Now I'm doing as many mindless things as I can to keep my brain from going crazy. I have knitted almost an entire scarf and I think I'll havecenough yarn to make a baby hat and booties to match when I'm done. I'll update with finished products if I ever follow through.

Hoping the baby comes soon. I'm going crazy!

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A Cruel Joke

Everyone around me has been urging me to enjoy my last few night of uninterrupted sleep before the baby arrives. 

That sounds like a great plan.

But

I

CANT

SLEEP

!!!!!!

It is now 1:13 am and I have spent the last two hours listening to DH snore.

This happened a when I was on winter break.  I spent several nights tossing and turning throughout the night and doing everything I could to avoid a nap during the day so that I might get on track. 

Last night, at some point Bug decided to make a noticible descent south.  My belly is visibly lower than it was before and now I am pretty sure that her head is stabbing me in the bladder. 

Having to pee every 20 minutes is not helping me fall asleep.

To make matters worse, I know that my sub will call me at 7:30 in the morning, like she did today. 

No bueno. 

So, in my last few childless nights, I am completely and totally unable to sleep. 

Its not funny.

39 Weeks

I'm a little slow getting up my 39 week post.  Things have been hectic around here. 

I am officially on maternity leave. Hooray!!!!

One would think this would mean that I am sitting with my feet propped up and enjoying the end of my pregnancy.

Not so much.

This morning, my sub called me 6 times. 6 times.  3 before 8 am. 

I want to stab her.

Because I work for a school that does independent study, we don't see students every day and things are a little tricky.  My principal suggested a sub based on the fact that she has taught for our school in the past and understands our strange little proceedures.  Unfortunately, many of the proceedures have changed and she really has no idea what is going on. 

And she is older, retired and not so familiar with that new fangled thingy on my desk called a computer. 

Stupid me, I left electronic files. 

It seemed like a good idea at the time.  I have remote access to my desktop so I can go in an change assignment and adapt lessons to meet her needs, because, oh yeah, she also isn't a science person. 

DH is ready to have my phone disconnected.

On to the baby update. 

There is no baby. =(

I had an appointment last Thursday and found out that I was a half centimeter dilated and almost completely effaced.  My doctor is hoping that something will start happening soon, but suggested that I make an appointment for early next week to start discussing induction.

Fuck!

I am pretty flexible with my birth plan, and will do what I need to do, but induction is the LAST thing I want done.  I was hoping to have a low intervention birth so that I could walk around and hide in the shower and do that kind of a thing.  But once they start with pitocin, I am bed ridden for most of the process.  This takes away a lot of the things that I was hoping for.

And.... I am not a big fan of the multiple day labor that so many people I have talked to who have been induced seemed to have. 

Let the crazy interventions begin.

Spicy Food.
Walking.
Cod liver oil.
Sex.

I think I'm going to start trying it all, knowing damn well it probably wont work.

Wish me luck and start thinking baby!

When the Baby Falls Out

We started talking about when the baby falls out when I first got pregnant, though the conversation has evolved dramatically since it began.  It started with my 8 week appointment when I nervously awaited the results of the pregnancy test that the nurse had administered.  I don't even remember how many pregnancy test I'd taken, but despite the consistent results, I'd convinced myself that somehow, since the last time I peed on a stick, the baby had fallen out.  There had been no visual evidence of this happening, but I still was pretty sure it did.

Crazy only gets worse when you are pregnant.

After the appointment every bit of moisture I felt down there was the baby, once again, falling out.  Though most of the time I felt pretty sure about this pregnancy, I still worried a lot about miscarriage.  I think I felt like things had just gone too easily for us.  Tragedy could strike at any minute. 

It didn't.  Everything has been going great.  No scares or mishaps.  Being pregnant is definitely not fun, but it really hasn't been that terrible either.  We have been incredibly lucky.

And now we are rapidly approaching the time when the baby is supposed to fall out.  It's a difficult mental transition to make; going from continuously and neurotically willing the baby to stay in to anxiously awaiting the day she arrives.  When I get a weird twinge or pain my first reaction is panic, but it's getting to be that time. 

I refuse to call it "going into labor".  I make DH and everyone around me call it "when the baby falls out" because I'm hoping it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.  Maybe if I just believe she will slide down the birth canal like a she is being shot out of a water slide, it will just happen. 

We really haven't been doing the prep work I planned to do either.  I was obsessively reading books on childbirth for awhile and I was pushing DH to be my birth coach a la the Bradley Method. Making him be "coach hubby" hasn't worked so well because my mood swings have rendered him terrified of me.  And I myself have put more work into meal planning this week than I have into getting ready for this thing to happen.

Maybe now is when I should be freaking out.

But I'm not.  

11 more days (+ or -).

38 Weeks: Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

This is the first New Years Day in a long time that I woke up and was ready to go at 8 am.  Funny how sober living will do that to a girl. 

I even met up with a friend to go to the farmers market and breakfast.  Before noon. 

Unfortunately, the farmers market wasn't open today. 

Oh well, breakfast was FANTASTIC!

Today I am 38 weeks pregnant and CANNOT WAIT to get this baby out of me.  I'm just tired of being fat and unable to do so many things.  Belive it or not, I am incredibly jealous of the people who are starting the year off with a run or a long bike ride.  I would absolutely kill to be able to hop on my bike today or take Daisy Dog for a run. 

I might almost be craving a run more than I am craving champagne. 

I said almost.

Unfortunately, a Wednesday's checkup, the midwife told me that an early birth looks highly unlikely.  I'm 50% effaced, but Bug hasn't dropped and there is no dialation happening.  Grrr.  She said to expect Bug right around my due date (the 15th) and possibly a little after.

The midwife also told me that Bug is approximately seven and a half pounds.  That's not a fetus, that's a baby.  A baby that is still cooking and getting bigger by the day. 

DH is thrilled.  Since we missed the deadline for the tax write off, his new goal is for us to have a 10 pound baby. 

I kind of hate him right now.

Bug also kicked and punched at the midwife while she was examining me.  This is the second appointment in a row where this has happened. 

Also this week, DH made the terrible mistake of replacing my broken down, hardly working crackberry with a new droid something or other.  That means that I now have a camera on my phone that will actually upload pictures.  So here is a picture of my tummy, from my point of view. 

I assure you this t-shirt used to be much less stretched.

This is definitely going to be a crazy year.

Top Ten Thing I Wish I Would Have Known: First Trimester

In the last few weeks, a handful of friends have found themselves knocked up.  As was I, most are panicking as pregnancy has gone from being a wish to a reality.  I don't envy them at all.  I absolutely hated the entire first trimester of my pregnancy. 

The following is a list of things that I wish I would have known before I got myself knocked up.  They are all things that I really should have known, in hindsight.  But when you are thinking about having a baby, you aren't thinking about the crappy stuff.  You are thinking about giggles and cuddles and cute little baby socks.   I assure you, the first trimester has none of that fun stuff.

1. Early pregnancy feels a lot like the worst PMS ever.  I swear, I was absolutely positive that I would start my period at any second because I was a crazed hormonal bitch complete with crying and cramping and bloating.  I had terrible PMS as a teenager, and have been on birth control since, so I kind of thought that this was a symptom of being of the pill, rather than a sign of early pregnancy.  Nope.  I was so terribly grouchy and crampy that I even partook in a few glasses of wine the weekend before I found out, something which is definitely haunting.
2. Your body really doesn't need time to get the pill out of its system.  I got my BFP about 6 weeks after I stopped taking birth control.  I was pretty sure that I'd messed something up and it would take me forever to get pregnant because I'd been on the pill for so long.  Nope.  (BTW, I will never ever ever ever miss a pill!)
3. You don't have to be ovulating to get knocked up.  Confused?!?! Let me clarify.  Because I was so convinced that there was no way I could be ovulating so soon after stopping birth control, I started doing the daily pee sticks to find out if I was in fact ovulating.  DH and I had decided to stop trying to prevent pregnancy, but we weren't going to get all crazy about getting knocked up either.  We had sex the day before ovulation, not during, which I now know is a very good way of getting knocked up.
4. Its common to have a meltdown instead of being happy when you get your BFP.  I felt terrible for a long time that I was so miserable when I found out I was pregnant.  I felt overwhelmed.  And I felt like I was giving up my freedom.  Well duh.  I knew that going in, and still decided to have a baby, and still was upset about it when  I found out.  Since then, many friends have told me that they felt the same way.   I think it must have more than a little to do with the flood of hormones you experience, and, lets be honest, its an overwhelming experience.
5. Morning sickness is a complete misnomer.  Before I got myself knocked up, I pictured morning sickness to be kind of like it is in the movies.  I figured I'd go about my day until I felt suddenly ill, I'd puke and that would be the end of that.  Bullshit! I was nauseous all day, every day, from the moment I woke up, to the moment I fell asleep.  And I was dizzy all the time.  I pretty much just wanted to die from about 5 to 13 weeks.  But no vomit.  Nope.  None.  I even tried to make myself puke a few times, and nothing.   
6. Maintaining a healthy diet is much much harder than I thought it would be.  Because of the nausea, eating was incredibly difficult.  One would think this would prevent me from gaining tons of weight early on, but it had just the opposite effect.  I couldn't eat meat (or even smell it for that matter), or veggies without wanting to die.  Pretty much all I could stomach was fruit, sourdough bread by the loaf, and sugary foods (ice cream, doughnuts, an entire pack of chips ahoy cookies).  I don't normally even like sweets, but I couldn't put them down.  Forget about the all organic diet I had planned on following.  It was all crap, all the time.
7. Everything stinks.  Meat. Chinese food. Students.  Perfume. Cigarette smoke made me want to die.  And you can't tell anyone that you are being tortured by this new, overwhelming sense of smell because then they will totally know you are knocked up.  Suffering in silence doesn't help.
8. You will have to pee all of the time.  I had no idea that a baby no bigger than a pea could make me pee so much.  The first and third trimesters are the worst, and let me explain why.  As you can see in this ultrasound your uterus and bladder are next door neighbors.  Even this tiny change in size causes pressure on your bladder, increasing the number of times you have to go.  My doc explained that at some point early in the 2nd trimester, your uterus kind of pops over the top of your bladder, providing some relief until baby is significantly bigger.   

9. Everything makes you cramp.  Having to pee.  Having to poop.  Having gas.  Having sex.  Having an orgasm.  Sneezing.  All of a sudden, you'll feel like you are starting your period.  This made me constantly worry that the baby was going to fall out.  It didn't.
10. Did I mention that you will be a raving lunatic?  Though DH will disagree, my mood swings have subsided quite a bit since the first trimester.  Most of the time, I was pretty sure I hated him and I was trapped in a terrible relationship that I would have to now stay in because I was having this baby.  And there was crying.  Lots and lots of crying.  One time I cried because I couldn't eat anything except for PF Chang's, including anything from the countless similar places closer to home.  I felt bad making DH go get it for me, so I didn't eat.  And I then I cried about it.  Not just a little.  A lot.  Sobbing.  Hysterical.  To the point that I couldn't breathe.  DH pleaded with me to just let him go get me the damn food.  He would have gone anywhere at that point.  But nope, that made me cry more.  The worst part is that you know how crazy you are, but you just can't do anything about it. 

If you still want to have children, you are a braver woman than I.  I don't think I ever want to go through that again, but I'll tell you if its worth it after Bug makes her appearance.  Hopefully she'll be neat freak and clean up after me as soon as she can walk.  She'll later become a wealthy lawyer so that she can support mommy and her love of expensive cabernet savignon.  Then, maybe it'll be worth it. 

Luckily, like clockwork, right at about 13 weeks, it all got better.  The sun was shining, birds were chirping and I didn't want to stab DH anymore.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.   And soon you will forget just how terrible early pregnancy can be. 

But for now, you have been warned.

37 Weeks~ Merry Christmas

I'm writing this post early, because I'm hitting the 37 week mark on Christmas day.  Its actually Christmas eve right now and I'm frantically getting ready to head down to my parent's house with DH and Daisy dog.  This will, no doubt, be a harrowing experience because 1) My parents have Boo, a pit-chow mix who is EXTREMELY dog agressive.  They also have a pug-chihuahua mix that Boo has eaten twice and spit out.  The little dog now must wear full armor if the two of them are to be around food.   2) Daisy has a melt down whenever she is more than a foot away from me if we are in a strange place.  She will likely need to be crated to avoid the likes of Boo, and she will not be happy about this.  Commence the whining of a lab and howling of a husky. 

Daisy is showing signs of neglect this week.  She was already re-decorating our yard by pulling up weed control fabric that we have under our rocks, broken an orange tree, and helped the Dashunds that live in back of us dig their way into our yard.  Her latest distructive behavior is to actually start eating away at the fence.  Poor puppy is missing the days when mommy could take her for a nice long run.  Now, daddy is still fully capable, but keeps bitching and moaning about how he has too much to do.  I've been off for a whole week now (so thankful for winter break) so I'm hoping she'll be a little more content.

I am feeling the effects of the third trimester big time.  I AM SO FREAKING TIRED!  After making tamales with my family on Saturday, I was completely and totally wiped out.  I spent most of Sunday and Monday sleeping.  My to do list is almost as long as it was when I started the week, and I still haven't finished the thank you cards for my baby shower which was on the fourth.  I know, I'm terrible.

Here's a few fun and exciting things that happened this week:

• Strep B culture came back negative!  Woohooh!  This is most fantastic because I'm hoping to get away with only an IV plug during delivery.  I'll fill you in more on the birth plan later (if I make it that far), but the tentative plan is to go au natural.  The rest of the plan is mainly to wait an see how it goes.
• I got a SUPER hot fireman to put in Bug's carseat.  We found out in our newborn prep class that 90% of carseat are installed incorrectly, and that most firestations have someone who is trained to put them in and they do it for free.  SWEET!  I'm all for safety and pretty firemen.  It is, however, very strange to have a baby seat in my car.
• Bug is FULL TERM!  We made it!  Though its still 3 weeks until our official due date, she can now come any time. 

Pregnant Dreams

This is something somebody should tell you about before you get pregnant: You will have the most insane dreams of your life.  For me, its been enough for me to want to check myself into the looney bin more than once.

A few nights ago, I hit the bizzare dream trifecta. 

During the first, DH and I were staying in a wierd little B & B with 4 rooms upstairs and a large room downstairs.  In my dream, I woke up in the middle of the night hungry so I went down to get something to eat.  One of my students, not one of my fav's either, came out from the room next to ours.  She looked exactly like this student, but had an interesting hair cut a la Cheri Oteri in Liar Liar.  She began bitching about a low grade and, in order to get me back, she cut off her own head and screamed that I had done it.  My student, now just a head, bounced around on the counter screaming that I'd cut off her head.  I didn't want to be accused, so I dumped a bucket of water on her head to shut her up, making me look so much more guilty.  The screaming woke up the other occupants, a stipper in room number 3 and an arguing couple in room four.  Not to be outdone, the man in room number 4 dumped his wife over the ledge, killing her.  He also held a gun and threatened that anyone who called 911 would be shot.  The only thing I could think of was that this would probably get me off of the hook for the headless student thing.

Waking up from that dream was a head scratcher, and after one of my many trips to the bathroom, I decided to try to go back to sleep.  After many tosses and turns and grumbles from DH, I fell asleep, only to have bizzare dream #2. 

In this dream, I was a hardened gang member on the streets of Santa Cruz.  For anyone who has never been to Santa Cruz, you should know that aside from a few drunken students and crazy homeless people the gang problem is minimal, at worst.  You probably know it better for the boarwalk.

Well, me and my hommies, dressed in pink jackets (including the fellas) looking more like the pink ladies from Grease than gang members, were in an all out battle for turf.  We were in a hot and heavy shoot out, when one of my pink guys got hit.  It was my job to provide cover fire while they took him to the hospital.

Insane in the membrane, I know.  Another trip to the bathroom and back to bed. 

The last dream was at least one that is common to the preggo ladies, so it made me feel a little less crazy.  I was at my mom's house and there was some kind of a party happening.  I saw a baby hanging out in the carseat on my mom's kitchen table.  My sister was playing with her and she happy and giggly and smiling.  I was just thinking, "I wonder who's baby that is?" when someone flipped on the music.   The baby immediately came to life, dancing in her carseat, rocking her fists.  Then I remembered all the times I was in my car, driving home from work when I switched from NPR to some kind of music station and my belly started shaking.  Bug is a notorious dancer already and without fail, will begin "dancing" in my belly at even a hint of music.  At this realization, I thought "Thats my Bug!".

That was my first Bug sighting, thought I've heard mom's say that they have recurring dreams starring their babies.  This dream was much happier, and left me far less puzzled than the other two.  DH wasn't as excited when I told him, especially because it was about 5:30 am when I woke up from this one.   

So make me feel better....what was your craziest preggo dream?  Did you ever get the chance to meet your LO in a dream?

35 Weeks ~ Crunch time

I have been feeling very relaxed for the last few weeks up my pregnancy.  Last weekend was my baby shower, which did so much to help me feel like we are prepared for this baby.  I went to Target and got the last few essentials that I felt like just in case she fell out early. (BTW, you may notice that I have and will continue to refer to giving birth as "when the baby falls out".  I'm hoping it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.)

However, yesterday I logged into the Bump and saw that I only have 35 days left.  5 weeks sounds like a lot more than 35 days in my crazy pregnant mind.  I also realized that Bug will be full term in only 2 more weeks.  It still doesn't feel real and I really can't imagine that we will have a baby so soon. 

I am now, as I have been throughout my pregnancy, counting the days until the next milestone that will give her the best chance of doing well at birth.  At this point, days make a huge difference in how well she'll survive outside of the whom.  So although I'm looking forward to meeting Bug, I'd like her to do more cooking.

I'm so close to the end of my pregnancy that, due to the timing, I really only have to work for another week.  I wanted to be a teacher, in part, because it gives me plenty of breaks for mommy time and that thought is paying off big time now.  I have one more week until we are off for two weeks (hooray for winter break).  When we return its only two weeks until my due date, and 10 weeks until we are off for Spring Break (another two weeks off, love this schedule).  I'm planning on going back after the break, but preparing for not going back. 

That means, crunch time.  This is the stack of paperwork I need to get through before going to work tomorrow.

On top of that, I have 10 weeks of lesson plans to write by Thursday when I meet with my sub. 

It doesn't help that I've been feeling pretty crappy this weekend.  I feel dehydrated, a little dizzy and nauseous and physically exhausted.  I haven't been taking great care of myself and have been eating out ALOT  because well, see for yourself....

Pardon the crappy camera phone pics, but I'm two lazy to take/download pictures with my actual camera right now. 

Swollen doesn't even begin to describe my ankles and feet.  I thought swelling would be an annoyance, but its actually pretty painful.  The skin is stretched so tight that it feels like its going to rip. 

I also have baby brain, bad.  I don't want to think about anything except getting ready for the baby, which is why I'm blogging and not working right now. 

Did I mention I have a yoga and newborn care class that I'm supposed to be going to this week, too?  I just need to get through this week, and life will be a whole lot easier.

What I'm Thankful For

This is a little belated (Thanksgiving was yesterday), but I have so much to be Thankful for this holiday season.

I am thankful for:

• My Amazing Husband.  I never pictured how the stress of pregancy could potentially affect our relationship.  I have, at more times that I am proud of, been a completely controlling maniacal emotional wreck, and somehow, this man still continues to love me.  He tells me I'm beautiful even though I'm gigantic.  He works hard to make me feel good and stays by my side even when I am crying hysterically for no apparent reason.  And just yesterday, while we were making the 2+ hour drive to my mom's for dinner, he grabbed my hand and told me how happy he was to be married to me.  It has been hard being pregnant and newly married, but I can't imagine going through any of this without him.
• My health and fertility.  I joke A LOT about how we never planned on getting pregnant this quickly and having a little less time to prep for Bug has been terrifying at times.  But I know so many people who have had trouble TTC and I feel incredibly lucky to be in this position.
• My family.  They drive me nuts.  They are over involved.  They take over every situation.  And they are completely and totally supportive and wonderful.  They have even worked out a schedule to watch Bug between the time my maternity leave ends and summer break begins so that we don't have to put her into daycare.
• Our pets.  There is nothing better than coming home to a house full of fluffies after a crappy day.

What are you thankful for?

Prego Teacher

I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to tell people I'm pregnant. I am at the point in my pregnancy where those who know me see a very obvious bump, but those who don't just assume I'm fat.
The big reveal is awkward, no matter how many times I've done it, and I find that I'm telling more people than really need to know because I have an overwhelming urge to explain that I don't normally function at such a low level. For example, the barista at the coffee shop where I stopped today to get an iced tea didn't need to know that I'm pregnant, but how else can I explain that it takes me several minutes now to count out the money for my beverage because in the last 3 months my brain has turned into absolute sludge? Or, when I'm out of breath walking Daisy Dog when we used to run the same route with ease, I want to yell to people that I'm not some overweight slob that never makes it off the couch.
Last week I got to make the big reveal to my new principal. It went surprisingly well but I can't help feeling like I showed up as damaged goods. There is simply no way that I can do my job to the same caliber that I did last year.

Today was only the only official paid day of setup and prep before the students come tomorrow. I discovered today that I have turned into a weakling. Lifting stuff is so much more difficult than before. I'm hoping that this is because I have been more sedentary than normal, and it will improve if I follow through with exercising more. I also was completely wiped out by about noon today and had difficulty staying awake at my desk.

The biggest change is in my attitude. My job used to be my life and I was willing to take home a crap-ton of work. My students were my priority. Not anymore. That is now so far down on my to-do list and I am totally focused on becoming a mom and getting things done at home.

I am starting to be concerned... Will I be a sucky teacher this year?

Back to Work

Ug. Its 4:30 am and I just had a dream about a co-worker lecturing about chemosynthesis while I stuffed my face full of disgusting cafeteria food. While the dreams have gotten weirder and more vivid thanks to those prego hormones, the weird work related dreams are pretty typical of this time of year.

Yes, that's right! Back to school. I know its early... My district is wierd. And yes, I did get laid off, and knocked up, but I was offered another position in the same district, and let's just say we can't afford to be turning away jobs right now.

My anxiety is a little higher this year because I'm switching from being a bio teacher where I worked in a department of 10 to a department of just me at an independent study high school. What does this mean?!?

The good: I'll only be teaching half days and counseling kids in a credit recovery program the rest of the time. I'll be getting my full salary, but probably working less and I'll have a flexible schedule which will make Dr's appts and maternity leave a little easier. And the curriculum is written aside from labs.

The bad:Everything I know about the job is based on a 5 minute conversation I had with my new principal while I was on the beach at a conference in San Diego and had terrible reception. I'll be at a school where I don't know anyone, and it doesn't sound like I'll be doing more than handing out packets and running labs... No real teaching.

The ugly: I am meeting with my new principal today and I have to tell her 1) I'm knocked up and 2) I'll be missing work for my upcoming wedding.

Ug!

12 Weeks Pregnant

I'm now 12 weeks pregnant... just 28 more, or 195 days to go.  Hmmm.  That's a long way to go.  I was thinking this week would mark the end of my first trimester, which I have been so looking forward to, but it looks like I won't officially be done until the end of week 13.

I'm ready for the nausea to go away.  I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of week 11, but toward the end of the week, I was convinced most of the time that I was going to puke.  So far, still no vomit.  Just that terrible feeling. 

According to TheBump, the baby is now the size of a plum.  This plum is just starting to make my already chubby belly pouch a little more.  The bloat started early on, but now I'm having more than a little trouble buttoning my pants.  It doesn't help that I have always tried to mimic sausage by squeezing into the smaller size when given the choice between 2.   Thankfully, my first pair of maternity pants arrived the night before last via UPS.  I bought them because they were regularly $29 , on sale for $18.99 at Old Navy. I don't want to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes, so I snagged them right away, and it looks like I am going to need them sooner rather than later.  And I'll be investing in a Bella Band soon as well.   

My growing tummy is starting to get uncomfortable.  It feels tight, and I can nolonger sleep on my stomach, which is why I'm working on this post at 5 am on a Sunday.  I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in.  Luckily, by about 9 pm I've been so wiped out that falling asleep hasn't been a problem.  However, its been weeks since I made it a whole night without having to pee.  Falling back to sleep has been a major problem. 

On a plus side, for now at least, my boobs aren't in constant pain.  I have been dreading hugs and avoiding my pouncing pets wishing I could wear armor.  DF grabbed them last night, as he is doing more and more as they get bigger and bigger, and I didn't cry out in pain.  BTW, why does he act like I'm faking when I tell him they hurt?!?!   

I'm starting to take belly pictures.  I know, it looks like I'm about 6 months along, but I had most of the squish before we started baby making.  Imagine the bottom bump being roughly the size of the bump between the baby and my boobs.  I kind of wish I had taken some before pics, or at least earlier along, but this will have to do.  And the angle is funny, but this is harder than it looks.  I tried to do it using the bathroom mirror, but it's too dirty, and I'm too lazy to clean it. 

While we have had some thrilling experiences so far (first and second ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, seeing baby move on the ultrasound), I'm ready to move on.  I want to feel the baby move and find out what kind we are having so I cant start buying fun stuff.  The waiting is driving me nuts, but there is alot more waiting to come.  

One final thought... aside from a few select people, we are not revealing our top baby names.  I'm going to name my baby whatever I want, and I have gotten more than enough unsolicited feedback on the names we are thinking about.  So I have developed a new standard response.  When someone asks what we will name the baby, I simply say, "Carlos". 

 

Chubby Bride

Its official. On September 3rd, DF will be getting an upgrade to DH.

We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.

There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.

Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.

So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:

1. Schedule the wedding
2. Buy my wedding band
3. Buy his wedding band
4. Get our marriage license (The great thing about city hall is that we can do that the day of!)
5. Sent out evites
6. Get something to wear to wedding
7. Get something to wear for party
8. Plan our post wedding party
9. Finish landscaping backyard so it doesn't look like a weed garden at said party

Hmm, I think that might be all, but in all honesty, I have no idea. The list will grow as we get closer, but I have the essentials (ie. me getting two new outfits and a new piece of jewelery)

Baby, Baby, Baby

While DF has been telling everyone that we are expecting, I have been much more reserved. The biggest reason is that I have been TERRIFIED that something would go wrong. In fact, when I called for our first appointment, and they told me that I would need to wait until I was 8 weeks along, I asked the advice nurse, "Are you sure it will be okay until then?". She replied, "This is your first pregnancy, isn't it?" Damnit, already outted as a nervous new mommy.
At our 8 week appointment they had me take a pregnancy test. Although I'd taken several over a few days myself, it had been a few weeks. What if I wasn't even pregnant? I checked to make sure that the test was positive before the doc came in.

The doctor asked about a million questions before performing the ultrasound. And there, up on the screen, was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen, a little blob with a gigantic head and arm and a huge belly. I sobbed uncontrollably, while the doctor took several measurements, informing me that I was 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant. We were able to listen to the rapid thump, thump, thump of baby's heartbeat, which was an insane 189 bpm. Doc informed us that while a normal range is 100-169 bpm, babies sometimes get a little upset by the vaginal ultrasound, causing their heartrate to spike.

Then we went over all the screening options. What genetic disorders would I like to be tested for? We decided that we would do a first trimester blood screening, an NT ultrasound, and a quad screening and avoid more invasive diagnostic tests unless the results to the screening tests brought bad news.

Yesterday, I had the NT ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping, but after a little pushing on my belly, baby woke up and started kicking and pounding fists like crazy. The NT was normal, though we need to wait a week for the final results, and we were able to confirm that baby has 2 arms and 2 legs and a normal heartbeat. Later, I had a physical to review lab results. The NP wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, but said it was moving too much to do it with the doppler (I think thats what it was) alone, so I got to do a second ultrasound! Best day ever. We confirmed that I have quite a wiggly worm on my hands.  And she is teeny tiny... only 5.22 cm!

So, the good news we got yesterday makes me feel more relaxed about being a little more "out" about my pregnancy. Will be posting frantically!

Knocked Up

I was never positive that I wanted be a mom.  I'd gotten used to life with DF, a job I love, and our house full of pets, and for the first time in my life I was truly happy.  I knew a baby would turn our world upside down.  DF and I had been living together for over 3 years, and we didn't plan on our engagement in December, and our city hall wedding, whenever we got around to it, to change anything about our relationship other than my last name.

But in the last few years, everytime I saw a baby, I felt this pull.  Something was missing from our lives.  I was both fascinated and terrified at the prospect of having a baby, but would we ever be ready? 

Daisy, on her first night with us. 

In February, DF brought home Daisy, an undernourished, parasite ridden 13-week-old  lab-husky mix.  I was immediately in love with her.  We enrolled her in puppy obedience classes, got rid of the fleas, eye infection, roundworm and giardia and started to fatten up this little pup.  She brought a new kinds of chaos and responsibility and love into our lives.  I think DF was hoping this would quell the baby fever, but it made it worse.

On March 15th, I got my layoff notice from work.  Devastated, I worried that this would push back our plans of soon starting to try for a baby.  DF had a well paying job, and if we needed to, we could live off of what he made, but we wouldn't be saving anything.  We'd also decided that when we did have a baby, I'd take a year off from teaching.  If I wasn't working next year, how would we ever be able to save enough for me to take time off when a baby came?

DF had a "brilliant" idea, possibly only proposed because he was trying to stop me from sobbing over my layoff notice.  What if we just started trying for a baby now?  Once we'd gotten engaged, I started taking prenatal vitamins and cutting out baby unfriendly foods from my diet, so my body would be ready when we were, so that wasn't a concern.  I'd also read in What to Expect Before Your Expecting, that it takes the average couple 6 months to get pregnant, and I'd been taking the pill for almost 10 years, so it would probably take awhile to get out of my system.  In the meantime, I'd continue to look for a job, and if I got one, or my old job back, we'd stop trying and got back to our original plan.

I'm sure you see the holes in this plan, as I now do, but it made perfect sense at the time.    

On April 25th I had a job interview, and came home and cried afterword, not really for any reason in particular.  DF and I fought all weekend and I had what I thought was the most terrible PMS of my life.  I had cramps and I was bloated and beyond irritable, but my period didn't start.  I was scheduled to go to a bachelorette party in Las Vegas the next weekend, so I would be able to drink and relax worry free, and I was positive that my period would be starting any minute.

I know you are supposed to wait 5 minutes before you look at that little stick after you pee on it, but I peaked to reassure myself that I wasn't pregnant.  There was a very faint plus sign.  Shit.

I ran upstairs to tell DF, and as soon as I saw him, I started sobbing.  " I think I'm pregnant."

He ran over and hugged me and looked happy and confused.  "Why are you crying?" he asked.

"We aren't ready to have a baby!  What were we thinking?"

We agreed that before we got excited (him) or terrified (me) that we should confirm our results.  Two tests later, we were still pregnant.  He did his best to be excited for the both of us, while I worried about what we would do.

I feel bad that this was my initial reaction to the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life, but being pregnant changes everything more than anyone can ever convey to another person.  I could only think about all the things I needed to do and the fear of not being a good enough provider for this little one.

The conclusion I have come to is that no matter how much you want it, no one is ever really ready for a baby.  DF and I decided to close our eyes, hang on tight, and enjoy the ride.