How Daddy Proposed

It's been a year since Daddy proposed to mommy.  It feels like a long time ago because so much as happened.  Mommy and daddy decided it was time to try to make you, and daddy was we were so excited to find out you were coming. Mommy and Daddy had a shotgun beautiful wedding and they were so annoyed happy because everyone invited themselves decided to come.  Now, we are just waiting for you to make our lives complete.

Last year, Mommy was pretty sure that Daddy was going to ask her to marry him because she'd given him until the end of the year to propose before she told him she was going to leave him it was almost exactly 4 years from their first date.  Daddy was taking mommy to Napa for the weekend because Mommy likes to drink a lot of wine it's very pretty there.  After checking into our hotel, Mommy and Daddy went from winery to winery place to place drinking steadily because Daddy figured he'd have a better chance of getting a yes if Mommy was drunk looking at the beautiful scenery.

Then we got to Mumm, one of Mommy's favorite places because the only thing Mommy likes more than wine is wine with bubbles in it. it is the prettiest. Daddy asked mommy to take a walk through the art gallery and he was acting very nervous. 

They walked back and forth and looked at all of the crappy modern art pretty pictures until they go to the end of the hall that overlooked the vineyard.  It was a very pretty spot that looked over the vineyard and the tasting room.  In fact, it was so pretty that Daddy kept getting interrupted by drunk bitches at a bachelorette party nice ladies that kept asking him to take their picture. 

Finally, Mommy and Daddy were alone and daddy pulled out a beautiful ring and told Mommy she was his best friend and asked if she'd be his friend forever.  Of course, mommy said yes.  But not before another stupid bitch, too drunk to notice she was interrupting, asked to have her picture taken.

The Shotgun Wedding That Almost Didn't Happen

It was just a few days before my super fancy city hall wedding.  Surprisingly, I had about 20 family members respond to my equally fancy wedding invite and were taking the day off to come and watch us get married.  Why? Not sure.  We were kind of hoping it would just be the two of us and someone to sign as a witness, but family is nice too.

It was two days before the wedding and I hadn't heard anything from City Hall.  Now, I am not really sure how City Hall Weddings work, but I thought they might just call to make sure that the bride and groom still liked each other.  Fishy.  Being the incredibly responsible bride-to-be that I am, I gave them a quick call to confirm that we were scheduled to get married at 2:00 pm on September 3rd. 

They had no idea who I was.  FUCK!!!!

I was absolutely sure that the woman who was no telling me that they had no record of our existence was the same one who booked the appointment.  If I could have reached through the phone and strangled her dumb ass I would have. 

As calmly as I could, I explained that I had a pretty sizable group of people showing up for this shin-dig.  My voice must have been shaking pretty badly, because she agreed to speak to the person who performed the ceremonies and get back to me.  Between then and when I heard from her were the LONGEST 45 minutes of my life.  Luckily, they agreed to squeeze in a 3:00 appointment, since my 2:00 was gone, which leads me to suspect that this is not the first time this woman has completely lost track of a wedding.

The same thing happened with my hair appointment the day of the wedding, which left me in hysterical tears sitting on the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Davis.  Luckily, I didn't know this until I showed up, and my middle sister, whom you should know is an all-American college Rugby player, somehow managed to convince them to squeeze me in as well.  But by this time, I was pretty sure that I'd just made up the entire idea of a wedding.  Little sister called and confirmed that we are still scheduled at the courthouse at 3:00.

We were planning on getting married outside, but the weather didn't want to cooperate.  It was 102 degrees and I decided that pregnant ladies and heat don't mix.  We opted for the inside affair at the last minute.  When DH and I arrived, my entire family and two of his friends were there.

It amazes anyone who knows me or who has seen me leading a class full of 45 screaming teenagers, but I HATE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, which is a major contributing factor to why DH and I decided on going to City Hall.  I didn't realize that getting married there meant that my entire family would end up watching DH and I fill out the paperwork and then stand around (because there were no chairs in the room where we got married) and stare at us while we said our vows.  One of DH's friends teased me about my voice breaking up during the vows, but he didn't realize it was from nerves, not tears. 

Between the heat and the gawking, I look absolutely miserable in every picture that was taken of us that day.  Our poor baby is probably going to think that we only got married because we had to because she was coming. 

After the ceremony, we headed out to Buca di Beppo, where my parents were kind enough to buy dinner for the entire procession.  The food was good, and we got to sit together and talk and not be the center of attention, thanks again to the crazy attention whores (my sisters). 

Since we were planning on having a barbecue the next day for friends and other people who weren't able to make it, we offered our house to the fam, most of whom live a couple of hours away.  This gave us babysitters for Daisy Dog and the opportunity to have a one night "honeymoon" at the Citizen hotel.  We ended the night celebrating our marriage, and enjoying each others company. 

Though we already felt very committed to each other, it was very nice to have this last little thing taken care of before the baby comes.  I hope later she will understand that mommy and daddy never wanted a big wedding because it was about a marriage and the start of our new family.

Why You Shouldn't Get Married When You Are Already Pregnant

This weekend my mom and sisters came up to help me get ready for my upcoming city hall wedding.  Though I didn't really think it was necessary, I still needed to get something to wear to this wedding and DF decided to make this his bachelor party weekend.  I kind of think we should stand in solidarity and agree that if I can't drink/party/have fun, neither should he.  But marriage is about compromise.  See what a good wife I'll make.


Being as I am at the 20 week mark, my girth is rapidly expanding, though I must have been in some kind of denial.  My plan was to find a simple sundress.  The only requirement was that it had to fit.  Though it is almost September, you'd think there would be a dress or two that would work for me, and I assumed that as long as I stuck to something with an empire waist I'd probably be fit into something.

I didn't take into account my rapidly expanding boobies. 


We started at Nordstrom, where even the dresses for plus size ladies refused to zip over my massive funbags.  Normally, as someone who is only average in the bust department, I would consider this a good problem.  But, getting married naked was not in my plans.


We hit up a few more non-maternity stores before I gave up, realizing I officially can no longer fit into anything that isn't maternity wear.  So we headed to destination maternity, where, in addition to getting fitted for a new bra (an effing E cup, BTW!), I tried on several hideous dresses that made me look SUPER pregnant.  I emerged from the dressing room wearing one atrocious mumu, and burst into tears.  My sisters burst into laughter, which made me cry even harder.  Apparently, poor little pregnant chic in the dressing room next to mine had emerged only moments before, also in tears.

Tired of this nonsense, the ladies drug me into Janie and Jack, where I absolutely fell in love with this cute little jacket.  Remember, I only just found out that we are having a little girl, so I have abstained from purchasing any clothes. 

My mom, proud grandma, likely fearful I'd cry again at any moment, got it for me.  I feel like a spoiled brat, but really, I have as much control of my emotions at this point as a kindergartner.  After they fed me, I was ready to continue.

We finally found a simple, baby blue cotton maxi dress at a boutique.  I didn't look like a whale, so I got it and we headed home. 

I was ready to call it a day, but my sister insisted that we "ho it up" and get dressed to go out.  The bitch dragged us to a bar, which may have been the most awkward experience of my life.  It was loud, and the baby pounded on the inside of my belly, while my sisters grabbed a drink.  Though the intention was good, I was miserable, and it was pretty obvious.  We left and got to eat again... the highlight of any pregnant lady's day.

Today, because the dress I bought was too long, I took it in to be altered.  The man behind the counter informed me it would be $18, and asked if I was really sure I wanted to alter it.  After all, it was just a simple cotton dress and wouldn't be worth it.  Fuck you very much.  

Let me say, if I ever get married again, I will not be pregnant when I do. 

My Shotgun Wedding: The Invite

Let me start by saying that I hate HATE hate being the center of attention, so that alone has prevented me from ever wanting a big traditional wedding.  Thankfully, DH wasn't too keen on the idea of a big wedding either.  Ideally, I don't think either of us would have invited anyone if my family wasn't...well... my family.  At one point DH suggested that we just get married without telling anyone and just changing my facebook status to Married.  When I found out I was pregnant, this didn't do much to our wedding plans, except we decided we should get it done sometime before the baby came.

We set the date for September 3rd, just after I hit the 20 week mark in my pregnancy and sent out the following email to our potential guests:

Hi All,


In order to be eco-friendly (and cheap... postage is very expensive now!) I am emailing all of you to let you know that we have set a date for our highly extravagent nuptuals. We will be entering into wedded bliss on Friday, September 3rd at 2:00 pm in the highly acclaimed County Clerks Office.


We tried to schedule it for a convenient time, but ran into a few problems.


1. They are only open Monday-Friday from 8-4


2. We are trying to save sick/vacation time for Carlos (our fetus), so we will be honeymooning at home, and will be taking advantage of the 3 day weekend that follows.


3. There were only 3 remaining slots available on that day. The others were in the morning, and DF has informed me that if he is taking a day off at work, he'd like to work in a round of golf in the morning.


The woman who works in the clerks office has informed us that there is room for 20ish people (to be exact) in the room where the ceremony will be taking place, but if it's a nice day we can go outside so I can go ahead and invite as many people as I want.


I'm hoping you guys will be able to make it, but know that you have jobs and other things going on. We understand if you can't make it, but we are hoping that if you aren't able to join us that you will be able to come to the party we will be having the following day (Saturday the 4th) at my, i mean, our house.


We don't really have any other details worked out for the wedding/party so comments and suggestions are welcome. We were thinking we might be able to find a place big enough for those who are able to come to go out to dinner on Friday night and I'm thinking DF and I may stay at a hotel that night and leave the house for anyone who might like a place to stay and likes sharing their sleeping space with animals.


Peace out!

PS. Grandpa Trini can come as well, but I know he's struggling with the email. Did I forget anyone else?

Chubby Bride

Its official. On September 3rd, DF will be getting an upgrade to DH.

We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.

There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.

Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.

So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:

1. Schedule the wedding
2. Buy my wedding band
3. Buy his wedding band
4. Get our marriage license (The great thing about city hall is that we can do that the day of!)
5. Sent out evites
6. Get something to wear to wedding
7. Get something to wear for party
8. Plan our post wedding party
9. Finish landscaping backyard so it doesn't look like a weed garden at said party

Hmm, I think that might be all, but in all honesty, I have no idea. The list will grow as we get closer, but I have the essentials (ie. me getting two new outfits and a new piece of jewelery)