Maternity Leave

I know I waited WAY to long to talk to my district about maternity leave.  My doctor has been asking me about what I plan on doing for maternity leave for the last few appointments now, and I have no idea.   Just dealing with a new job, a new marriage and the day-to-day woes of pregnancy are enough to make anyone crazy.  On Thursday, with the upcoming break looming, I decided it was definitely time to haul my ever growing arse to the district office.

What I found out was not horrible, but it wasn't exactly good either.  And it is incredible confusing.  It took the woman in HR about 20 minutes to explain it to me before I figured out what the hell she was talking about. 

I will get 6 weeks of maternity leave for a normal birth and 8 weeks leave for a C-section.  Pay for maternity leave only kicks in after sick days are used up.  However, these sick days, if taken after the baby is born, run concurrently with your maternity leave.  This means days taken prior to maternity leave don't count against your leave, but they can't be added on to your leave either. 
Right now, I have 16 sick days accrued, which roughly works out to about 3 weeks.  During the remaining 3-5 weeks, depending on the type of delivery, I qualify for something called differential pay.  This means, the pay for my sub comes out of my pay, and I get the difference.  Subs are paid $150/day unless they are given daily lesson plans and then they are paid $120 per day. 

FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) allows for all employees to take up to 12 weeks, unpaid, for the birth of a child.  After my maternity leave is over, I can take the remainder of time (up to those 12 weeks) unpaid.

Confused yet?

This is what it means.  The good:

• As long as the baby isn't born prior to winter break (starting December 18th) all of the leave options I have will more than cover the 10 weeks between when school starts up again in January and spring break in March.  Spring break is 2 weeks.  This means I won't be working full time until the baby is almost 3 months old!  Sweet.

The bad:

• I'll be returning to work, no matter what happens, with 0 sick days.
• In order to make the extra $30/day, I'm going to have to still be responsible for what happens in my classroom.  This means grading, planning and the like.  The sub will just be acting as a body to prevent students from shanking each other and to deliver assignments.

The so-so:

• There is no benefit to me hanging out at work for as long as I can since my sick days, used prior to the birth, won't count against my maternity leave.

I had a mini-melt down when I got home from work.  Luckily, DH is still the best husband ever, and helped me realize that the worst parts of this deal will make life a little inconvenient.  DH agreed that he will save as much sick leave as he can to make sure that he can take time off with Bug if she needs anything between spring break and summer. 

The space between spring break and summer is only 9 weeks, thanks to our funky schedule.  Now I just have to figure out what to do with Bug for that time.  DH can cover some days, but he's the boss at his job and there isn't anyone to do his job if he isn't there.  I don't want to put Bug into daycare until she is 6 months old if I can avoid it, but we'll do what we have to do.

The Shotgun Wedding That Almost Didn't Happen

It was just a few days before my super fancy city hall wedding.  Surprisingly, I had about 20 family members respond to my equally fancy wedding invite and were taking the day off to come and watch us get married.  Why? Not sure.  We were kind of hoping it would just be the two of us and someone to sign as a witness, but family is nice too.

It was two days before the wedding and I hadn't heard anything from City Hall.  Now, I am not really sure how City Hall Weddings work, but I thought they might just call to make sure that the bride and groom still liked each other.  Fishy.  Being the incredibly responsible bride-to-be that I am, I gave them a quick call to confirm that we were scheduled to get married at 2:00 pm on September 3rd. 

They had no idea who I was.  FUCK!!!!

I was absolutely sure that the woman who was no telling me that they had no record of our existence was the same one who booked the appointment.  If I could have reached through the phone and strangled her dumb ass I would have. 

As calmly as I could, I explained that I had a pretty sizable group of people showing up for this shin-dig.  My voice must have been shaking pretty badly, because she agreed to speak to the person who performed the ceremonies and get back to me.  Between then and when I heard from her were the LONGEST 45 minutes of my life.  Luckily, they agreed to squeeze in a 3:00 appointment, since my 2:00 was gone, which leads me to suspect that this is not the first time this woman has completely lost track of a wedding.

The same thing happened with my hair appointment the day of the wedding, which left me in hysterical tears sitting on the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Davis.  Luckily, I didn't know this until I showed up, and my middle sister, whom you should know is an all-American college Rugby player, somehow managed to convince them to squeeze me in as well.  But by this time, I was pretty sure that I'd just made up the entire idea of a wedding.  Little sister called and confirmed that we are still scheduled at the courthouse at 3:00.

We were planning on getting married outside, but the weather didn't want to cooperate.  It was 102 degrees and I decided that pregnant ladies and heat don't mix.  We opted for the inside affair at the last minute.  When DH and I arrived, my entire family and two of his friends were there.

It amazes anyone who knows me or who has seen me leading a class full of 45 screaming teenagers, but I HATE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, which is a major contributing factor to why DH and I decided on going to City Hall.  I didn't realize that getting married there meant that my entire family would end up watching DH and I fill out the paperwork and then stand around (because there were no chairs in the room where we got married) and stare at us while we said our vows.  One of DH's friends teased me about my voice breaking up during the vows, but he didn't realize it was from nerves, not tears. 

Between the heat and the gawking, I look absolutely miserable in every picture that was taken of us that day.  Our poor baby is probably going to think that we only got married because we had to because she was coming. 

After the ceremony, we headed out to Buca di Beppo, where my parents were kind enough to buy dinner for the entire procession.  The food was good, and we got to sit together and talk and not be the center of attention, thanks again to the crazy attention whores (my sisters). 

Since we were planning on having a barbecue the next day for friends and other people who weren't able to make it, we offered our house to the fam, most of whom live a couple of hours away.  This gave us babysitters for Daisy Dog and the opportunity to have a one night "honeymoon" at the Citizen hotel.  We ended the night celebrating our marriage, and enjoying each others company. 

Though we already felt very committed to each other, it was very nice to have this last little thing taken care of before the baby comes.  I hope later she will understand that mommy and daddy never wanted a big wedding because it was about a marriage and the start of our new family.

Why You Shouldn't Get Married When You Are Already Pregnant

This weekend my mom and sisters came up to help me get ready for my upcoming city hall wedding.  Though I didn't really think it was necessary, I still needed to get something to wear to this wedding and DF decided to make this his bachelor party weekend.  I kind of think we should stand in solidarity and agree that if I can't drink/party/have fun, neither should he.  But marriage is about compromise.  See what a good wife I'll make.


Being as I am at the 20 week mark, my girth is rapidly expanding, though I must have been in some kind of denial.  My plan was to find a simple sundress.  The only requirement was that it had to fit.  Though it is almost September, you'd think there would be a dress or two that would work for me, and I assumed that as long as I stuck to something with an empire waist I'd probably be fit into something.

I didn't take into account my rapidly expanding boobies. 


We started at Nordstrom, where even the dresses for plus size ladies refused to zip over my massive funbags.  Normally, as someone who is only average in the bust department, I would consider this a good problem.  But, getting married naked was not in my plans.


We hit up a few more non-maternity stores before I gave up, realizing I officially can no longer fit into anything that isn't maternity wear.  So we headed to destination maternity, where, in addition to getting fitted for a new bra (an effing E cup, BTW!), I tried on several hideous dresses that made me look SUPER pregnant.  I emerged from the dressing room wearing one atrocious mumu, and burst into tears.  My sisters burst into laughter, which made me cry even harder.  Apparently, poor little pregnant chic in the dressing room next to mine had emerged only moments before, also in tears.

Tired of this nonsense, the ladies drug me into Janie and Jack, where I absolutely fell in love with this cute little jacket.  Remember, I only just found out that we are having a little girl, so I have abstained from purchasing any clothes. 

My mom, proud grandma, likely fearful I'd cry again at any moment, got it for me.  I feel like a spoiled brat, but really, I have as much control of my emotions at this point as a kindergartner.  After they fed me, I was ready to continue.

We finally found a simple, baby blue cotton maxi dress at a boutique.  I didn't look like a whale, so I got it and we headed home. 

I was ready to call it a day, but my sister insisted that we "ho it up" and get dressed to go out.  The bitch dragged us to a bar, which may have been the most awkward experience of my life.  It was loud, and the baby pounded on the inside of my belly, while my sisters grabbed a drink.  Though the intention was good, I was miserable, and it was pretty obvious.  We left and got to eat again... the highlight of any pregnant lady's day.

Today, because the dress I bought was too long, I took it in to be altered.  The man behind the counter informed me it would be $18, and asked if I was really sure I wanted to alter it.  After all, it was just a simple cotton dress and wouldn't be worth it.  Fuck you very much.  

Let me say, if I ever get married again, I will not be pregnant when I do. 

There's A Person In There

 

Dear World,

I'd like to introduce you to my beautiful baby girl.  Isn't she amazing.  She has a nose, a mouth, two ears (I saw them both), 2 hands with 10 tiny fingers and 2 feet with 10 tiny toes.  If you look really hard, you can even see she has vertebrae... yep, my girl has a backbone.  She's gorgeous, isn't she.

Its so strange to me to see her little face and know that in another 20 weeks or so, I'll be meeting this incredible little creature that is somehow floating around inside of me.

And from this blurry image, I can already tell that she has my husbands nose.  We both have distinct noses.  Mine is skinny and pointed down, his is wider and just slightly turned up.  I was hoping she'd get his nose, because I think it is absolutely adorable on him.

I also recognize her upper lip.  Its the same one that belongs to my dad and grandmother.  It kind of looks a little bit like Fred Flinstone's upper lip if you look at it for a long time, only so much more adorable on my little girl.  Seeing my grandmother in her face makes me really miss her and wish she could be around to see this little girl.  She was an incredible grandmother and would have been the most fantastic great grandma.

DF is getting used to the idea of having a girl, though he has freaked out a few times.  He told me yesterday that she can't get her ears pierced until she's at least 16.  I told him that we should probably wait and see if she even wants to get her ears pierced before we worry about that one.  I know that he is privately mourning the loss of the little boy he pictured happening, but I also know that he is going to love this little girl like crazy.   

And Carlos is a .......

Today I had my 20 week ultrasound, though I almost didn't make it.  I almost had a complete and total melt down and I almost had to shank someone.  

I let my principal know weeks ago that I needed to leave early today (just 30 minutes!!!) to make sure I had plenty of time to get to my ultrasound appointment.  I told her that if there was any way that this would cause a problem, I'd be happy to take a full sick day because I have been waiting for day for um... 20 weeks.  She assured me it wouldn't be a problem.

However, when I was walking to my car to leave I was summoned to the principal's office.  Never a good sign, and never a quick trip. 

There was one of my trouble makers, who's parents I had contacted earlier in the day.  I'd informed them that their precious LO hadn't been doing work, was failing tests, and consequently was failing the class.  Precious LO that he is, he responded by marching into the principal's office and telling her that he was failing because I didn't like him.  AGGGGGGHHHHHHH!  REALLY?!?!  Though I know this was simply a ploy on his part to get me "in trouble", and that I had more than enough evidence to prove that the young man was not trying (ie. Homework Question: What did Darwin discover on his trip on the HMS Beagle.  Answer.  He really liked being on the boat because it was like vacation.) I started to panic.  It took a conference call home and 20 minutes before my principal let me go. 

Now 20 minutes late, I frantically drove toward my appointment.  Since I work an hour from home,  I had about an hour long drive to get to an appointment that started in 45 minutes.  30 minutes later, DH called wondering where I was.  Bumper to bumper traffic.  A car had flipped over and was blocking the 2 right lanes. 

Did I mention that in order to perform the ultrasound, I'd needed to empty my bladder 2 hours before the exam, then drink 4-8 oz glasses of water and not pee again until midway through the ultrasound.  And, it was 102 degrees today, just to make me more uncomfortable.

And, I was likely going to miss my appointment.

By the time I pulled in to the parking lot, I was already 30 minutes late to my appointment.  I ran, full bladder and protruding belly, through the hospital and to the ultrasound room.  I pleaded to be seen, and by some miracle, they had a late opening, so I was able to get the test done.  But, I had to wait, without the sweet relief of a bathroom for an additional 20 minutes.   Small price to pay. 

And we found out.....

When I came out of the ultrasound, I had 4 missed calls and 3 new text messages.  Apparently my mom and sisters were a little anxious too. 


Ultrasound pictures coming soon.

What if Carlos is a girl?!?!

We decided early on to keep our baby names private.  Why?!?!  Because people are stupid.  Just finding out you are pregnant seems to give them license to tell you what to do, how to eat and what you are obviously doing wrong.  Giving them a name to work with is just adding ammunition.  For example, when I told my sister our top girl name she said "That's a dog name!"  Also, the name we ended up picking.

So, as I mentioned before,  in response to the baby name question, we decided to go with Carlos.

A fine name, but my students, who were also asking many questions and providing a TON of unsolicited advice, asked what we would do if Carlos turned out to be a girl.  "Name her Carlos, of course!"

We never pictured that we'd have a girl.  I'd been calling the baby "him" long before it was even a twinkle in my eye.  I had at one point even told my soon-to-be-sister-in-law that if we ever had a girl she was welcome to it.  When it comes to girly things, I don't do well, and I figured baby rearing would just be easier with a boy.  But when it comes down to it, I really didn't care.  I am more terrified that our 20 week ultrasound will reveal some terrible deformity, and girl parts are not a deformity.  In fact, I'm pretty certain we are having a girl. 

DF, however, had his heart set on a little boy.  He's always had dreams of coaching Little League and buying baseball mits and such. 

I guess we only have to wait a few more days to find out.  Friday we have our 20 week ultrasound.  Then, its all downhill from there.  A week from Friday, DF will nolonger be my baby daddy... we'll be married.

Prego Teacher

I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to tell people I'm pregnant. I am at the point in my pregnancy where those who know me see a very obvious bump, but those who don't just assume I'm fat.
The big reveal is awkward, no matter how many times I've done it, and I find that I'm telling more people than really need to know because I have an overwhelming urge to explain that I don't normally function at such a low level. For example, the barista at the coffee shop where I stopped today to get an iced tea didn't need to know that I'm pregnant, but how else can I explain that it takes me several minutes now to count out the money for my beverage because in the last 3 months my brain has turned into absolute sludge? Or, when I'm out of breath walking Daisy Dog when we used to run the same route with ease, I want to yell to people that I'm not some overweight slob that never makes it off the couch.
Last week I got to make the big reveal to my new principal. It went surprisingly well but I can't help feeling like I showed up as damaged goods. There is simply no way that I can do my job to the same caliber that I did last year.

Today was only the only official paid day of setup and prep before the students come tomorrow. I discovered today that I have turned into a weakling. Lifting stuff is so much more difficult than before. I'm hoping that this is because I have been more sedentary than normal, and it will improve if I follow through with exercising more. I also was completely wiped out by about noon today and had difficulty staying awake at my desk.

The biggest change is in my attitude. My job used to be my life and I was willing to take home a crap-ton of work. My students were my priority. Not anymore. That is now so far down on my to-do list and I am totally focused on becoming a mom and getting things done at home.

I am starting to be concerned... Will I be a sucky teacher this year?