Under Construction

As my many many (4) followers may notice... there are suddenly a lot more posts around.  I am finally getting around to importing the posts from my first and second trimester from my old blog.  My old blog was more of a teaching blog, and no longer seemed like the appropriate place for these posts.  Plus, my sister's husband found me making my blog no longer anonymous which is vital if you plan on bitching about your family, job, etc.

Feel free to poke around.  Some exciting stuff has happened in the last 6 months we:

• got knocked up.
• decided we should probably hurry up and get married and made the mistake decision to invite people.
• got an ultrasound the revealed that Carlos, I mean Bug, is a girl.
• found out that there is a person inside of me... not just gas.

Enjoy!

Book Review: Baby Catcher

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife By Peggy Vincent

My baby sister has been reading almost as many baby books as I have since she found out about my pregnancy. Like me, she's an amazon junkie and takes reader reviews seriously. So when she saw Peggy Vincent's Baby Catcher and its rave reviews, she couldn't pass it up. Agreeing completely with the reviewers, passed it my direction, but not before making a few notes in the table of contents.

A few reviewers warned that this book is not for pregnant women. Bad things can happen during childbirth, and Vincent does include two such stories in her book. Worried that it might freak me out, sis inked a little sad face on any chapter that included anything sad. She also rated each chapter so that I'd make sure to read the best chapters if I ran short on time.  (Did I mention my sisters have been freaking awesome?)

I read the book, in its entirety, even the sad parts, because, despite being an exhausted mushy-minded pregnant zombie lady, I couldn't put it down. Vincent does an exceptional job of illustrating that, although there really is no such thing as a normal birth, childbirth is a natural process that woman are more than capable of accomplishing without medical intervention. Many of these stories are highly motivational and provided me with more confidence that I am will somehow to be able to make it through labor and delivery. And, frankly, I fear for the women who said this book is too scary for pregnant women. I think most women are aware that complications can happen and won't completely shatter because they read about it.

For the non-expectant, this book was an exceptional account of the midwifery and the world of home birth. I also provided an insider's look at how medical practices have evolved.

Despite my overall satisfaction with the book I do have one minor complaint. Vincent's depiction of hospitals is almost entirely negative. In the first chapter of the book she tells stories of women being strapped down and heavily medicated to the point where their birth experience can be described as nothing short of torture. She ends the book, and her career, practicing once again in a hospital and leads readers to believe that, though women are no longer being tied down, they are still being severely mistreated in this setting. I was surprised and a little put off by the tone in which she ended the book.

Overall, I would give this book a 4 out of 5 and would highly recommend it for anyone interested in reading inspirational birth stories.

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Top Ten Thing I Wish I Would Have Known: First Trimester

In the last few weeks, a handful of friends have found themselves knocked up.  As was I, most are panicking as pregnancy has gone from being a wish to a reality.  I don't envy them at all.  I absolutely hated the entire first trimester of my pregnancy. 

The following is a list of things that I wish I would have known before I got myself knocked up.  They are all things that I really should have known, in hindsight.  But when you are thinking about having a baby, you aren't thinking about the crappy stuff.  You are thinking about giggles and cuddles and cute little baby socks.   I assure you, the first trimester has none of that fun stuff.

1. Early pregnancy feels a lot like the worst PMS ever.  I swear, I was absolutely positive that I would start my period at any second because I was a crazed hormonal bitch complete with crying and cramping and bloating.  I had terrible PMS as a teenager, and have been on birth control since, so I kind of thought that this was a symptom of being of the pill, rather than a sign of early pregnancy.  Nope.  I was so terribly grouchy and crampy that I even partook in a few glasses of wine the weekend before I found out, something which is definitely haunting.
2. Your body really doesn't need time to get the pill out of its system.  I got my BFP about 6 weeks after I stopped taking birth control.  I was pretty sure that I'd messed something up and it would take me forever to get pregnant because I'd been on the pill for so long.  Nope.  (BTW, I will never ever ever ever miss a pill!)
3. You don't have to be ovulating to get knocked up.  Confused?!?! Let me clarify.  Because I was so convinced that there was no way I could be ovulating so soon after stopping birth control, I started doing the daily pee sticks to find out if I was in fact ovulating.  DH and I had decided to stop trying to prevent pregnancy, but we weren't going to get all crazy about getting knocked up either.  We had sex the day before ovulation, not during, which I now know is a very good way of getting knocked up.
4. Its common to have a meltdown instead of being happy when you get your BFP.  I felt terrible for a long time that I was so miserable when I found out I was pregnant.  I felt overwhelmed.  And I felt like I was giving up my freedom.  Well duh.  I knew that going in, and still decided to have a baby, and still was upset about it when  I found out.  Since then, many friends have told me that they felt the same way.   I think it must have more than a little to do with the flood of hormones you experience, and, lets be honest, its an overwhelming experience.
5. Morning sickness is a complete misnomer.  Before I got myself knocked up, I pictured morning sickness to be kind of like it is in the movies.  I figured I'd go about my day until I felt suddenly ill, I'd puke and that would be the end of that.  Bullshit! I was nauseous all day, every day, from the moment I woke up, to the moment I fell asleep.  And I was dizzy all the time.  I pretty much just wanted to die from about 5 to 13 weeks.  But no vomit.  Nope.  None.  I even tried to make myself puke a few times, and nothing.   
6. Maintaining a healthy diet is much much harder than I thought it would be.  Because of the nausea, eating was incredibly difficult.  One would think this would prevent me from gaining tons of weight early on, but it had just the opposite effect.  I couldn't eat meat (or even smell it for that matter), or veggies without wanting to die.  Pretty much all I could stomach was fruit, sourdough bread by the loaf, and sugary foods (ice cream, doughnuts, an entire pack of chips ahoy cookies).  I don't normally even like sweets, but I couldn't put them down.  Forget about the all organic diet I had planned on following.  It was all crap, all the time.
7. Everything stinks.  Meat. Chinese food. Students.  Perfume. Cigarette smoke made me want to die.  And you can't tell anyone that you are being tortured by this new, overwhelming sense of smell because then they will totally know you are knocked up.  Suffering in silence doesn't help.
8. You will have to pee all of the time.  I had no idea that a baby no bigger than a pea could make me pee so much.  The first and third trimesters are the worst, and let me explain why.  As you can see in this ultrasound your uterus and bladder are next door neighbors.  Even this tiny change in size causes pressure on your bladder, increasing the number of times you have to go.  My doc explained that at some point early in the 2nd trimester, your uterus kind of pops over the top of your bladder, providing some relief until baby is significantly bigger.   

9. Everything makes you cramp.  Having to pee.  Having to poop.  Having gas.  Having sex.  Having an orgasm.  Sneezing.  All of a sudden, you'll feel like you are starting your period.  This made me constantly worry that the baby was going to fall out.  It didn't.
10. Did I mention that you will be a raving lunatic?  Though DH will disagree, my mood swings have subsided quite a bit since the first trimester.  Most of the time, I was pretty sure I hated him and I was trapped in a terrible relationship that I would have to now stay in because I was having this baby.  And there was crying.  Lots and lots of crying.  One time I cried because I couldn't eat anything except for PF Chang's, including anything from the countless similar places closer to home.  I felt bad making DH go get it for me, so I didn't eat.  And I then I cried about it.  Not just a little.  A lot.  Sobbing.  Hysterical.  To the point that I couldn't breathe.  DH pleaded with me to just let him go get me the damn food.  He would have gone anywhere at that point.  But nope, that made me cry more.  The worst part is that you know how crazy you are, but you just can't do anything about it. 

If you still want to have children, you are a braver woman than I.  I don't think I ever want to go through that again, but I'll tell you if its worth it after Bug makes her appearance.  Hopefully she'll be neat freak and clean up after me as soon as she can walk.  She'll later become a wealthy lawyer so that she can support mommy and her love of expensive cabernet savignon.  Then, maybe it'll be worth it. 

Luckily, like clockwork, right at about 13 weeks, it all got better.  The sun was shining, birds were chirping and I didn't want to stab DH anymore.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.   And soon you will forget just how terrible early pregnancy can be. 

But for now, you have been warned.

37 Weeks~ Merry Christmas

I'm writing this post early, because I'm hitting the 37 week mark on Christmas day.  Its actually Christmas eve right now and I'm frantically getting ready to head down to my parent's house with DH and Daisy dog.  This will, no doubt, be a harrowing experience because 1) My parents have Boo, a pit-chow mix who is EXTREMELY dog agressive.  They also have a pug-chihuahua mix that Boo has eaten twice and spit out.  The little dog now must wear full armor if the two of them are to be around food.   2) Daisy has a melt down whenever she is more than a foot away from me if we are in a strange place.  She will likely need to be crated to avoid the likes of Boo, and she will not be happy about this.  Commence the whining of a lab and howling of a husky. 

Daisy is showing signs of neglect this week.  She was already re-decorating our yard by pulling up weed control fabric that we have under our rocks, broken an orange tree, and helped the Dashunds that live in back of us dig their way into our yard.  Her latest distructive behavior is to actually start eating away at the fence.  Poor puppy is missing the days when mommy could take her for a nice long run.  Now, daddy is still fully capable, but keeps bitching and moaning about how he has too much to do.  I've been off for a whole week now (so thankful for winter break) so I'm hoping she'll be a little more content.

I am feeling the effects of the third trimester big time.  I AM SO FREAKING TIRED!  After making tamales with my family on Saturday, I was completely and totally wiped out.  I spent most of Sunday and Monday sleeping.  My to do list is almost as long as it was when I started the week, and I still haven't finished the thank you cards for my baby shower which was on the fourth.  I know, I'm terrible.

Here's a few fun and exciting things that happened this week:

• Strep B culture came back negative!  Woohooh!  This is most fantastic because I'm hoping to get away with only an IV plug during delivery.  I'll fill you in more on the birth plan later (if I make it that far), but the tentative plan is to go au natural.  The rest of the plan is mainly to wait an see how it goes.
• I got a SUPER hot fireman to put in Bug's carseat.  We found out in our newborn prep class that 90% of carseat are installed incorrectly, and that most firestations have someone who is trained to put them in and they do it for free.  SWEET!  I'm all for safety and pretty firemen.  It is, however, very strange to have a baby seat in my car.
• Bug is FULL TERM!  We made it!  Though its still 3 weeks until our official due date, she can now come any time. 

Pregnant Dreams

This is something somebody should tell you about before you get pregnant: You will have the most insane dreams of your life.  For me, its been enough for me to want to check myself into the looney bin more than once.

A few nights ago, I hit the bizzare dream trifecta. 

During the first, DH and I were staying in a wierd little B & B with 4 rooms upstairs and a large room downstairs.  In my dream, I woke up in the middle of the night hungry so I went down to get something to eat.  One of my students, not one of my fav's either, came out from the room next to ours.  She looked exactly like this student, but had an interesting hair cut a la Cheri Oteri in Liar Liar.  She began bitching about a low grade and, in order to get me back, she cut off her own head and screamed that I had done it.  My student, now just a head, bounced around on the counter screaming that I'd cut off her head.  I didn't want to be accused, so I dumped a bucket of water on her head to shut her up, making me look so much more guilty.  The screaming woke up the other occupants, a stipper in room number 3 and an arguing couple in room four.  Not to be outdone, the man in room number 4 dumped his wife over the ledge, killing her.  He also held a gun and threatened that anyone who called 911 would be shot.  The only thing I could think of was that this would probably get me off of the hook for the headless student thing.

Waking up from that dream was a head scratcher, and after one of my many trips to the bathroom, I decided to try to go back to sleep.  After many tosses and turns and grumbles from DH, I fell asleep, only to have bizzare dream #2. 

In this dream, I was a hardened gang member on the streets of Santa Cruz.  For anyone who has never been to Santa Cruz, you should know that aside from a few drunken students and crazy homeless people the gang problem is minimal, at worst.  You probably know it better for the boarwalk.

Well, me and my hommies, dressed in pink jackets (including the fellas) looking more like the pink ladies from Grease than gang members, were in an all out battle for turf.  We were in a hot and heavy shoot out, when one of my pink guys got hit.  It was my job to provide cover fire while they took him to the hospital.

Insane in the membrane, I know.  Another trip to the bathroom and back to bed. 

The last dream was at least one that is common to the preggo ladies, so it made me feel a little less crazy.  I was at my mom's house and there was some kind of a party happening.  I saw a baby hanging out in the carseat on my mom's kitchen table.  My sister was playing with her and she happy and giggly and smiling.  I was just thinking, "I wonder who's baby that is?" when someone flipped on the music.   The baby immediately came to life, dancing in her carseat, rocking her fists.  Then I remembered all the times I was in my car, driving home from work when I switched from NPR to some kind of music station and my belly started shaking.  Bug is a notorious dancer already and without fail, will begin "dancing" in my belly at even a hint of music.  At this realization, I thought "Thats my Bug!".

That was my first Bug sighting, thought I've heard mom's say that they have recurring dreams starring their babies.  This dream was much happier, and left me far less puzzled than the other two.  DH wasn't as excited when I told him, especially because it was about 5:30 am when I woke up from this one.   

So make me feel better....what was your craziest preggo dream?  Did you ever get the chance to meet your LO in a dream?

How Daddy Proposed

It's been a year since Daddy proposed to mommy.  It feels like a long time ago because so much as happened.  Mommy and daddy decided it was time to try to make you, and daddy was we were so excited to find out you were coming. Mommy and Daddy had a shotgun beautiful wedding and they were so annoyed happy because everyone invited themselves decided to come.  Now, we are just waiting for you to make our lives complete.

Last year, Mommy was pretty sure that Daddy was going to ask her to marry him because she'd given him until the end of the year to propose before she told him she was going to leave him it was almost exactly 4 years from their first date.  Daddy was taking mommy to Napa for the weekend because Mommy likes to drink a lot of wine it's very pretty there.  After checking into our hotel, Mommy and Daddy went from winery to winery place to place drinking steadily because Daddy figured he'd have a better chance of getting a yes if Mommy was drunk looking at the beautiful scenery.

Then we got to Mumm, one of Mommy's favorite places because the only thing Mommy likes more than wine is wine with bubbles in it. it is the prettiest. Daddy asked mommy to take a walk through the art gallery and he was acting very nervous. 

They walked back and forth and looked at all of the crappy modern art pretty pictures until they go to the end of the hall that overlooked the vineyard.  It was a very pretty spot that looked over the vineyard and the tasting room.  In fact, it was so pretty that Daddy kept getting interrupted by drunk bitches at a bachelorette party nice ladies that kept asking him to take their picture. 

Finally, Mommy and Daddy were alone and daddy pulled out a beautiful ring and told Mommy she was his best friend and asked if she'd be his friend forever.  Of course, mommy said yes.  But not before another stupid bitch, too drunk to notice she was interrupting, asked to have her picture taken.

36 Weeks

36 weeks is another milestone that I have been counting down toward.   The risks involved with a delivery at 36+ weeks are much lower than even a week before and Bug only has to hang on for another week to be considered full term.  Only four more weeks until she's due and I'm starting to get nervous, excited, panicky, you name it.

I realized about a week ago that I hadn't been scheduled for an appointment between 31 and almost 38 weeks.  Since I've been seeing my doctor like clockwork every 4 weeks, I thought something was amiss.  Realizing that a strep B culture is supposed to take place between 35 and 37 weeks, I decided to call my doctor's office.  After almost an hour on the phone, I convinced the confused receptionist that a January 3rd appointment would not be between my 35th and 37th week of pregnancy, she scheduled me for an appointment on Friday, a day shy of the 36 week mark.

Despite my husbands requests to "make sure I asked for pictures", the appointment was mostly routine except that:

• Doc says Bug is head down.  She figured this out when she feeling my cervix for dilation.  Note to the ladies..... don't mention to your husband that the doctor can feel the baby's head through your va-jay-jay.  This may not bode well for your chances of getting lucky that evening.
• Doc checked my cervix for the first time since my 8 week appointment.  Its not an entirely fun experience, but she warned me that it would be TERRIBLE, and it wasn't as bad as she made it out to be.
• The strep test was the least fun.  Mostly because I didn't read the fine print that Doc needs to swab your vagina and around your anus.  Not so comfy.

Other highlights of this week:

• Friday was my last day of work for two weeks.  Though I will be spending the next two weeks re-writing my lesson plans (thanks to the fact  that my sub freaked out when I mentioned that she might have to do a few labs with the kids), I'm on winter break
• DH had the house cleaned from top to bottom and all of the dishes done when I got home from my appointment on Friday.  Consequently, we will likely stay married for another week.
• I spent all day yesterday making tamales with my crazy family  and lived to tell the tale. 
• Feeling more and more Braxton Hicks and hiccups are at least a twice a day event.  I do not enjoy hiccups when I have them, and enjoy them even less than she does.

I started thinking about when might actually come.  I'm hoping for January 11th, so then her birthday will be 1/11/11.  DH is hoping for December 31st for the tax break. 

Sisters

I was never one of those kids who begged their parents for a baby brother or sister.  In fact, I was pretty happy with my parents all to myself and was a little pissed off when they came around.

Being the big sister sucks.  I got in trouble all the time for not being a good enough big sister because I was much more content to be alone than playing with the two of them.  They are two years apart, and have always been very close, and they banded together to make my youth a living hell.  They'd steal my stuff and, more often than not, return it broken or not at all.  They'd wake me up early, not caring that I liked to sleep in, and pull my eyes open by my eyelashes.  They'd whine to my parents how unfair it was that I got to do things that they didn't get to do and, because of my baby sisters superior powers of persuasion, they got to do most of they got to do all the things I'd waited so long to do shorty thereafter. 

When we were really young, my parents had the brilliant idea to have all of us sleep in the same room.  The baby, probably about 3 at this point, was in a small toddler bed between me and my middle sister.  More frequently than I really care to remember, rather than having an accident in her own bed, baby sister would move from her sleeping space to the foot of my own to relieve herself.  This atrocity was only topped by the time middle sister pooped in the tub with me in it.

Now that I am "with Bug", they are finally paying me back for all the pain they caused.  This is the card they got me for my baby shower.

And I know they will.

Already baby sis has used her nanny expertise to "help me" with my registry... and by help me I mean request my password and remove everything she thought was crap and exchanging it for something better.  I'd be annoyed but she also has been collecting good from her clients that have included 2 bjorns (though as you've seen below, we're also getting an ergo), 2 swings (so that I don't have to drag one up and down the stairs), an arms reach cosleeper, a snap and go stroller frame, and a crib, all in almost new condition.

Knowing I was freaking out about having to put Bug in daycare so young (since I'll be returning to work in late March), baby sis also polled my entire family to see when they'd be able to come and watch her for the day, or even a week, and made a schedule so that there is someone watching her, at our house, until school lets out at the end of May and I'm back home.  9 weeks of FREE daycare from the people I trust most.

For those 9 weeks, middle sister switched her work schedule so that she'll have Wednesday, Thursday and Fridays off to watch Bug.  She won't have a day off for 9 weeks.

Right about now, they are more than making up for the pain they put me through.  I'm feeling very lucky to have sisters

35 Weeks ~ Crunch time

I have been feeling very relaxed for the last few weeks up my pregnancy.  Last weekend was my baby shower, which did so much to help me feel like we are prepared for this baby.  I went to Target and got the last few essentials that I felt like just in case she fell out early. (BTW, you may notice that I have and will continue to refer to giving birth as "when the baby falls out".  I'm hoping it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.)

However, yesterday I logged into the Bump and saw that I only have 35 days left.  5 weeks sounds like a lot more than 35 days in my crazy pregnant mind.  I also realized that Bug will be full term in only 2 more weeks.  It still doesn't feel real and I really can't imagine that we will have a baby so soon. 

I am now, as I have been throughout my pregnancy, counting the days until the next milestone that will give her the best chance of doing well at birth.  At this point, days make a huge difference in how well she'll survive outside of the whom.  So although I'm looking forward to meeting Bug, I'd like her to do more cooking.

I'm so close to the end of my pregnancy that, due to the timing, I really only have to work for another week.  I wanted to be a teacher, in part, because it gives me plenty of breaks for mommy time and that thought is paying off big time now.  I have one more week until we are off for two weeks (hooray for winter break).  When we return its only two weeks until my due date, and 10 weeks until we are off for Spring Break (another two weeks off, love this schedule).  I'm planning on going back after the break, but preparing for not going back. 

That means, crunch time.  This is the stack of paperwork I need to get through before going to work tomorrow.

On top of that, I have 10 weeks of lesson plans to write by Thursday when I meet with my sub. 

It doesn't help that I've been feeling pretty crappy this weekend.  I feel dehydrated, a little dizzy and nauseous and physically exhausted.  I haven't been taking great care of myself and have been eating out ALOT  because well, see for yourself....

Pardon the crappy camera phone pics, but I'm two lazy to take/download pictures with my actual camera right now. 

Swollen doesn't even begin to describe my ankles and feet.  I thought swelling would be an annoyance, but its actually pretty painful.  The skin is stretched so tight that it feels like its going to rip. 

I also have baby brain, bad.  I don't want to think about anything except getting ready for the baby, which is why I'm blogging and not working right now. 

Did I mention I have a yoga and newborn care class that I'm supposed to be going to this week, too?  I just need to get through this week, and life will be a whole lot easier.

Mommy and Daddy Never Agree ~ Breastfeeding

DH and I discovered very early on in our relationship that we are polar opposites.  He's clean, I'm messy.  He's organized, I'm chaotic.  He's conservative, I'm anything but.  However, we have somehow managed to always find a way to get to a middle ground and come to terms we both can live with.  (ie, there will be no discussion of politics unless someone really wants to sleep in the guest bedroom)  Why should anything about raising this child together be different?

Take breastfeeding.  I just assumed this is something we would do and didn't even really discuss it with DH because I assumed he felt the same way.  Why wouldn't he? 

I should start by saying that DH is 12 years older than me, and his mother is no longer with us, so the ideas that he has about how he was raised and the things his parents did are completely from his memory.  Based on when he was born and from what he remembers about his family, his mother didn't breastfeed and the idea seemed a little weird to him.  He didn't know the benefits and in his own internet research, he learned from who-knows-where, that there are no benefits to breastfeeding over formula feeding... what?!?!?!   Where he found this, I don't know.

My OB recommended a list of more reliable internet resources for him to look up the benefits of breastfeeding, and after looking them up, he decided he was on board.  Until I registered for a breast pump.

"Why do you need that?" 
"So can still breastfeed when I go to work." Duh!
"You're still going to breastfeed when you're working?"

Really?!?!

He hasn't been unsupportive in any way, but every time we talk about it, it is obvious that we are coming from two very different directions.  When we talked about how long, he'd only pictured that I'd do it until I went back to work and the idea that you can send breastmilk to daycare completely baffled him.

Please remind me to keep breathing!
 

Safety 1st Pro Grade Lever Handle Lock: Nesting and Pregnant Brain Prove to Be a Poor Match

I have been in full on nesting mode for weeks now.  Since I've been less than helpful around the house, I haven't wanted to bug DH with projects I think I can do myself.  So far, it hasn't gone well.

The latest snafu happened after I started hearing strange noises coming from down the hall.  It was kind of a thump THUMP boing that was happening over and over again.  Since it was past my new pregnant lady bedtime (8:00 pm... yep, it's sad), I didn't feel like getting up and let it go.  After awhile it stopped, so I didn't worry about it.

The next morning, the door to Bug's bedroom, which is always closed was wide open.  This is what I found.

Apparently what I'd been hearing was repeated attempts by these two to open the door.  Stupid lever door handles.  Good thing I got Bug's co-sleeper set up and ready to go.  BTW, this is before they noticed that I was there.  As soon as they did, they avoided eye contact, acting like I'd caught them in the act.  Since then, I've caught George (the striped one) spooning that ladybug pillow pet on several occassions.

Because they have become quite good at working together to get the door open and since my biggest baby fear is that one of these ding-dongs is going to spoon Bug and suffocate her, I decided it was time to do some baby proofing.  With a little bit of research, and a trip to target,  decided to go with the Safety 1st Pro Grade Lever Handle Lock.  Should have read the reviews a little better.

Like I said, my projects have not been going well but the installation seemed pretty idiot proof, so WTH.  I was very proud to have done a fantastic job of installing... see.. look!

That's exactly what I told DH when he came upstairs to see what I was doing, and decided to test my work by shutting the door.  I'm sure you see where this is going.

Of course, it didn't shut because it ran directly into the door frame.  Had I installed this on the other side of the door, it would have worked fine, but would have been completely ineffective in doing anything other than locking myself into the baby's room.

DH helped me take it off and informed me that he prefer that I consult him before starting any more projects.

My next one will be finding the right color white paint to match the door.  

Baby Carriers

When we were registering for our baby shower, DH looked completely and totally overwhelmed by Babies R Us.  I've never seen him look so confused as we walked through, aisle by aisle as I tried to explain to him what all the stuff was for and why we might need it.  Not that I had any idea, but I did a great job of faking it.

We finally got to baby carriers and when he saw this Bjorn he commented on how cool it looked.  Since this was the first thing I'd heard from him since we'd entered the store, I decided we were getting this damn baby carrier no matter what. 

Had I seen this video, I may have reconsidered.  Hindsight is 20/20.  Please note how everyone in the video is wearing black, red and white.  Now, for your viewing pleasure... a youtube video illustrating the amazing things you can do with this baby carrier.



Yesterday was our shower, and WOOHOOH, DH got the one thing he asked for!  He was once again overwhelmed by the massive amount of baby crap strewn around our house so I suggested that he try it on.
Mistake.

DH is 6'1 and not a tiny man.  While we were able to extend the straps enough to get it closed around him, he looked like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy doing "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" .  He voluntered to starve himself until the baby gets here, but in all honesty it isn't that he's too fat, he's just too big.  It sits in a very uncomfortably on his ribs.  No good.  Many customers also complain that it causes back pain and a sweaty baby.  (And in all fairness there are a lot of great reviews)

Possible solutions:

• Extenders for the Bjorn.  So far, haven't found anything but mentions of these.
• The Ergo.  Ergo seems  like it might do the trick.  It looks like it will fit lower on the waist and they offer a waist extension for $8 on amazon.  DH mentioned that this one doesn't look as cool.
• Sleepy Wrap. I ordered one of these for me because my sister raved about them.  You can also use them for breastfeeding.  It is highly adjustable, and based on my research it looks like this is something that has worked for a lot of new parents who aren't so small.  Mine is on its way, and I'll let you know more when I get it.

What do you think?   Any advise on getting a properly fitting carrier for DH?

UPDATE:

The sleepy wrap is working well for DH, but he doesn't really carry the baby much yet.  The Ergo will work with an extender, so we are going to get one for the spring when we are out and about more.

What I'm Thankful For

This is a little belated (Thanksgiving was yesterday), but I have so much to be Thankful for this holiday season.

I am thankful for:

• My Amazing Husband.  I never pictured how the stress of pregancy could potentially affect our relationship.  I have, at more times that I am proud of, been a completely controlling maniacal emotional wreck, and somehow, this man still continues to love me.  He tells me I'm beautiful even though I'm gigantic.  He works hard to make me feel good and stays by my side even when I am crying hysterically for no apparent reason.  And just yesterday, while we were making the 2+ hour drive to my mom's for dinner, he grabbed my hand and told me how happy he was to be married to me.  It has been hard being pregnant and newly married, but I can't imagine going through any of this without him.
• My health and fertility.  I joke A LOT about how we never planned on getting pregnant this quickly and having a little less time to prep for Bug has been terrifying at times.  But I know so many people who have had trouble TTC and I feel incredibly lucky to be in this position.
• My family.  They drive me nuts.  They are over involved.  They take over every situation.  And they are completely and totally supportive and wonderful.  They have even worked out a schedule to watch Bug between the time my maternity leave ends and summer break begins so that we don't have to put her into daycare.
• Our pets.  There is nothing better than coming home to a house full of fluffies after a crappy day.

What are you thankful for?

Maternity Leave

I know I waited WAY to long to talk to my district about maternity leave.  My doctor has been asking me about what I plan on doing for maternity leave for the last few appointments now, and I have no idea.   Just dealing with a new job, a new marriage and the day-to-day woes of pregnancy are enough to make anyone crazy.  On Thursday, with the upcoming break looming, I decided it was definitely time to haul my ever growing arse to the district office.

What I found out was not horrible, but it wasn't exactly good either.  And it is incredible confusing.  It took the woman in HR about 20 minutes to explain it to me before I figured out what the hell she was talking about. 

I will get 6 weeks of maternity leave for a normal birth and 8 weeks leave for a C-section.  Pay for maternity leave only kicks in after sick days are used up.  However, these sick days, if taken after the baby is born, run concurrently with your maternity leave.  This means days taken prior to maternity leave don't count against your leave, but they can't be added on to your leave either. 
Right now, I have 16 sick days accrued, which roughly works out to about 3 weeks.  During the remaining 3-5 weeks, depending on the type of delivery, I qualify for something called differential pay.  This means, the pay for my sub comes out of my pay, and I get the difference.  Subs are paid $150/day unless they are given daily lesson plans and then they are paid $120 per day. 

FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) allows for all employees to take up to 12 weeks, unpaid, for the birth of a child.  After my maternity leave is over, I can take the remainder of time (up to those 12 weeks) unpaid.

Confused yet?

This is what it means.  The good:

• As long as the baby isn't born prior to winter break (starting December 18th) all of the leave options I have will more than cover the 10 weeks between when school starts up again in January and spring break in March.  Spring break is 2 weeks.  This means I won't be working full time until the baby is almost 3 months old!  Sweet.

The bad:

• I'll be returning to work, no matter what happens, with 0 sick days.
• In order to make the extra $30/day, I'm going to have to still be responsible for what happens in my classroom.  This means grading, planning and the like.  The sub will just be acting as a body to prevent students from shanking each other and to deliver assignments.

The so-so:

• There is no benefit to me hanging out at work for as long as I can since my sick days, used prior to the birth, won't count against my maternity leave.

I had a mini-melt down when I got home from work.  Luckily, DH is still the best husband ever, and helped me realize that the worst parts of this deal will make life a little inconvenient.  DH agreed that he will save as much sick leave as he can to make sure that he can take time off with Bug if she needs anything between spring break and summer. 

The space between spring break and summer is only 9 weeks, thanks to our funky schedule.  Now I just have to figure out what to do with Bug for that time.  DH can cover some days, but he's the boss at his job and there isn't anyone to do his job if he isn't there.  I don't want to put Bug into daycare until she is 6 months old if I can avoid it, but we'll do what we have to do.

The Shotgun Wedding That Almost Didn't Happen

It was just a few days before my super fancy city hall wedding.  Surprisingly, I had about 20 family members respond to my equally fancy wedding invite and were taking the day off to come and watch us get married.  Why? Not sure.  We were kind of hoping it would just be the two of us and someone to sign as a witness, but family is nice too.

It was two days before the wedding and I hadn't heard anything from City Hall.  Now, I am not really sure how City Hall Weddings work, but I thought they might just call to make sure that the bride and groom still liked each other.  Fishy.  Being the incredibly responsible bride-to-be that I am, I gave them a quick call to confirm that we were scheduled to get married at 2:00 pm on September 3rd. 

They had no idea who I was.  FUCK!!!!

I was absolutely sure that the woman who was no telling me that they had no record of our existence was the same one who booked the appointment.  If I could have reached through the phone and strangled her dumb ass I would have. 

As calmly as I could, I explained that I had a pretty sizable group of people showing up for this shin-dig.  My voice must have been shaking pretty badly, because she agreed to speak to the person who performed the ceremonies and get back to me.  Between then and when I heard from her were the LONGEST 45 minutes of my life.  Luckily, they agreed to squeeze in a 3:00 appointment, since my 2:00 was gone, which leads me to suspect that this is not the first time this woman has completely lost track of a wedding.

The same thing happened with my hair appointment the day of the wedding, which left me in hysterical tears sitting on the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Davis.  Luckily, I didn't know this until I showed up, and my middle sister, whom you should know is an all-American college Rugby player, somehow managed to convince them to squeeze me in as well.  But by this time, I was pretty sure that I'd just made up the entire idea of a wedding.  Little sister called and confirmed that we are still scheduled at the courthouse at 3:00.

We were planning on getting married outside, but the weather didn't want to cooperate.  It was 102 degrees and I decided that pregnant ladies and heat don't mix.  We opted for the inside affair at the last minute.  When DH and I arrived, my entire family and two of his friends were there.

It amazes anyone who knows me or who has seen me leading a class full of 45 screaming teenagers, but I HATE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, which is a major contributing factor to why DH and I decided on going to City Hall.  I didn't realize that getting married there meant that my entire family would end up watching DH and I fill out the paperwork and then stand around (because there were no chairs in the room where we got married) and stare at us while we said our vows.  One of DH's friends teased me about my voice breaking up during the vows, but he didn't realize it was from nerves, not tears. 

Between the heat and the gawking, I look absolutely miserable in every picture that was taken of us that day.  Our poor baby is probably going to think that we only got married because we had to because she was coming. 

After the ceremony, we headed out to Buca di Beppo, where my parents were kind enough to buy dinner for the entire procession.  The food was good, and we got to sit together and talk and not be the center of attention, thanks again to the crazy attention whores (my sisters). 

Since we were planning on having a barbecue the next day for friends and other people who weren't able to make it, we offered our house to the fam, most of whom live a couple of hours away.  This gave us babysitters for Daisy Dog and the opportunity to have a one night "honeymoon" at the Citizen hotel.  We ended the night celebrating our marriage, and enjoying each others company. 

Though we already felt very committed to each other, it was very nice to have this last little thing taken care of before the baby comes.  I hope later she will understand that mommy and daddy never wanted a big wedding because it was about a marriage and the start of our new family.

Why You Shouldn't Get Married When You Are Already Pregnant

This weekend my mom and sisters came up to help me get ready for my upcoming city hall wedding.  Though I didn't really think it was necessary, I still needed to get something to wear to this wedding and DF decided to make this his bachelor party weekend.  I kind of think we should stand in solidarity and agree that if I can't drink/party/have fun, neither should he.  But marriage is about compromise.  See what a good wife I'll make.


Being as I am at the 20 week mark, my girth is rapidly expanding, though I must have been in some kind of denial.  My plan was to find a simple sundress.  The only requirement was that it had to fit.  Though it is almost September, you'd think there would be a dress or two that would work for me, and I assumed that as long as I stuck to something with an empire waist I'd probably be fit into something.

I didn't take into account my rapidly expanding boobies. 


We started at Nordstrom, where even the dresses for plus size ladies refused to zip over my massive funbags.  Normally, as someone who is only average in the bust department, I would consider this a good problem.  But, getting married naked was not in my plans.


We hit up a few more non-maternity stores before I gave up, realizing I officially can no longer fit into anything that isn't maternity wear.  So we headed to destination maternity, where, in addition to getting fitted for a new bra (an effing E cup, BTW!), I tried on several hideous dresses that made me look SUPER pregnant.  I emerged from the dressing room wearing one atrocious mumu, and burst into tears.  My sisters burst into laughter, which made me cry even harder.  Apparently, poor little pregnant chic in the dressing room next to mine had emerged only moments before, also in tears.

Tired of this nonsense, the ladies drug me into Janie and Jack, where I absolutely fell in love with this cute little jacket.  Remember, I only just found out that we are having a little girl, so I have abstained from purchasing any clothes. 

My mom, proud grandma, likely fearful I'd cry again at any moment, got it for me.  I feel like a spoiled brat, but really, I have as much control of my emotions at this point as a kindergartner.  After they fed me, I was ready to continue.

We finally found a simple, baby blue cotton maxi dress at a boutique.  I didn't look like a whale, so I got it and we headed home. 

I was ready to call it a day, but my sister insisted that we "ho it up" and get dressed to go out.  The bitch dragged us to a bar, which may have been the most awkward experience of my life.  It was loud, and the baby pounded on the inside of my belly, while my sisters grabbed a drink.  Though the intention was good, I was miserable, and it was pretty obvious.  We left and got to eat again... the highlight of any pregnant lady's day.

Today, because the dress I bought was too long, I took it in to be altered.  The man behind the counter informed me it would be $18, and asked if I was really sure I wanted to alter it.  After all, it was just a simple cotton dress and wouldn't be worth it.  Fuck you very much.  

Let me say, if I ever get married again, I will not be pregnant when I do. 

There's A Person In There

 

Dear World,

I'd like to introduce you to my beautiful baby girl.  Isn't she amazing.  She has a nose, a mouth, two ears (I saw them both), 2 hands with 10 tiny fingers and 2 feet with 10 tiny toes.  If you look really hard, you can even see she has vertebrae... yep, my girl has a backbone.  She's gorgeous, isn't she.

Its so strange to me to see her little face and know that in another 20 weeks or so, I'll be meeting this incredible little creature that is somehow floating around inside of me.

And from this blurry image, I can already tell that she has my husbands nose.  We both have distinct noses.  Mine is skinny and pointed down, his is wider and just slightly turned up.  I was hoping she'd get his nose, because I think it is absolutely adorable on him.

I also recognize her upper lip.  Its the same one that belongs to my dad and grandmother.  It kind of looks a little bit like Fred Flinstone's upper lip if you look at it for a long time, only so much more adorable on my little girl.  Seeing my grandmother in her face makes me really miss her and wish she could be around to see this little girl.  She was an incredible grandmother and would have been the most fantastic great grandma.

DF is getting used to the idea of having a girl, though he has freaked out a few times.  He told me yesterday that she can't get her ears pierced until she's at least 16.  I told him that we should probably wait and see if she even wants to get her ears pierced before we worry about that one.  I know that he is privately mourning the loss of the little boy he pictured happening, but I also know that he is going to love this little girl like crazy.   

And Carlos is a .......

Today I had my 20 week ultrasound, though I almost didn't make it.  I almost had a complete and total melt down and I almost had to shank someone.  

I let my principal know weeks ago that I needed to leave early today (just 30 minutes!!!) to make sure I had plenty of time to get to my ultrasound appointment.  I told her that if there was any way that this would cause a problem, I'd be happy to take a full sick day because I have been waiting for day for um... 20 weeks.  She assured me it wouldn't be a problem.

However, when I was walking to my car to leave I was summoned to the principal's office.  Never a good sign, and never a quick trip. 

There was one of my trouble makers, who's parents I had contacted earlier in the day.  I'd informed them that their precious LO hadn't been doing work, was failing tests, and consequently was failing the class.  Precious LO that he is, he responded by marching into the principal's office and telling her that he was failing because I didn't like him.  AGGGGGGHHHHHHH!  REALLY?!?!  Though I know this was simply a ploy on his part to get me "in trouble", and that I had more than enough evidence to prove that the young man was not trying (ie. Homework Question: What did Darwin discover on his trip on the HMS Beagle.  Answer.  He really liked being on the boat because it was like vacation.) I started to panic.  It took a conference call home and 20 minutes before my principal let me go. 

Now 20 minutes late, I frantically drove toward my appointment.  Since I work an hour from home,  I had about an hour long drive to get to an appointment that started in 45 minutes.  30 minutes later, DH called wondering where I was.  Bumper to bumper traffic.  A car had flipped over and was blocking the 2 right lanes. 

Did I mention that in order to perform the ultrasound, I'd needed to empty my bladder 2 hours before the exam, then drink 4-8 oz glasses of water and not pee again until midway through the ultrasound.  And, it was 102 degrees today, just to make me more uncomfortable.

And, I was likely going to miss my appointment.

By the time I pulled in to the parking lot, I was already 30 minutes late to my appointment.  I ran, full bladder and protruding belly, through the hospital and to the ultrasound room.  I pleaded to be seen, and by some miracle, they had a late opening, so I was able to get the test done.  But, I had to wait, without the sweet relief of a bathroom for an additional 20 minutes.   Small price to pay. 

And we found out.....

When I came out of the ultrasound, I had 4 missed calls and 3 new text messages.  Apparently my mom and sisters were a little anxious too. 


Ultrasound pictures coming soon.

What if Carlos is a girl?!?!

We decided early on to keep our baby names private.  Why?!?!  Because people are stupid.  Just finding out you are pregnant seems to give them license to tell you what to do, how to eat and what you are obviously doing wrong.  Giving them a name to work with is just adding ammunition.  For example, when I told my sister our top girl name she said "That's a dog name!"  Also, the name we ended up picking.

So, as I mentioned before,  in response to the baby name question, we decided to go with Carlos.

A fine name, but my students, who were also asking many questions and providing a TON of unsolicited advice, asked what we would do if Carlos turned out to be a girl.  "Name her Carlos, of course!"

We never pictured that we'd have a girl.  I'd been calling the baby "him" long before it was even a twinkle in my eye.  I had at one point even told my soon-to-be-sister-in-law that if we ever had a girl she was welcome to it.  When it comes to girly things, I don't do well, and I figured baby rearing would just be easier with a boy.  But when it comes down to it, I really didn't care.  I am more terrified that our 20 week ultrasound will reveal some terrible deformity, and girl parts are not a deformity.  In fact, I'm pretty certain we are having a girl. 

DF, however, had his heart set on a little boy.  He's always had dreams of coaching Little League and buying baseball mits and such. 

I guess we only have to wait a few more days to find out.  Friday we have our 20 week ultrasound.  Then, its all downhill from there.  A week from Friday, DF will nolonger be my baby daddy... we'll be married.

Prego Teacher

I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to tell people I'm pregnant. I am at the point in my pregnancy where those who know me see a very obvious bump, but those who don't just assume I'm fat.
The big reveal is awkward, no matter how many times I've done it, and I find that I'm telling more people than really need to know because I have an overwhelming urge to explain that I don't normally function at such a low level. For example, the barista at the coffee shop where I stopped today to get an iced tea didn't need to know that I'm pregnant, but how else can I explain that it takes me several minutes now to count out the money for my beverage because in the last 3 months my brain has turned into absolute sludge? Or, when I'm out of breath walking Daisy Dog when we used to run the same route with ease, I want to yell to people that I'm not some overweight slob that never makes it off the couch.
Last week I got to make the big reveal to my new principal. It went surprisingly well but I can't help feeling like I showed up as damaged goods. There is simply no way that I can do my job to the same caliber that I did last year.

Today was only the only official paid day of setup and prep before the students come tomorrow. I discovered today that I have turned into a weakling. Lifting stuff is so much more difficult than before. I'm hoping that this is because I have been more sedentary than normal, and it will improve if I follow through with exercising more. I also was completely wiped out by about noon today and had difficulty staying awake at my desk.

The biggest change is in my attitude. My job used to be my life and I was willing to take home a crap-ton of work. My students were my priority. Not anymore. That is now so far down on my to-do list and I am totally focused on becoming a mom and getting things done at home.

I am starting to be concerned... Will I be a sucky teacher this year?

Back to Work

Ug. Its 4:30 am and I just had a dream about a co-worker lecturing about chemosynthesis while I stuffed my face full of disgusting cafeteria food. While the dreams have gotten weirder and more vivid thanks to those prego hormones, the weird work related dreams are pretty typical of this time of year.

Yes, that's right! Back to school. I know its early... My district is wierd. And yes, I did get laid off, and knocked up, but I was offered another position in the same district, and let's just say we can't afford to be turning away jobs right now.

My anxiety is a little higher this year because I'm switching from being a bio teacher where I worked in a department of 10 to a department of just me at an independent study high school. What does this mean?!?

The good: I'll only be teaching half days and counseling kids in a credit recovery program the rest of the time. I'll be getting my full salary, but probably working less and I'll have a flexible schedule which will make Dr's appts and maternity leave a little easier. And the curriculum is written aside from labs.

The bad:Everything I know about the job is based on a 5 minute conversation I had with my new principal while I was on the beach at a conference in San Diego and had terrible reception. I'll be at a school where I don't know anyone, and it doesn't sound like I'll be doing more than handing out packets and running labs... No real teaching.

The ugly: I am meeting with my new principal today and I have to tell her 1) I'm knocked up and 2) I'll be missing work for my upcoming wedding.

Ug!

My Shotgun Wedding: The Invite

Let me start by saying that I hate HATE hate being the center of attention, so that alone has prevented me from ever wanting a big traditional wedding.  Thankfully, DH wasn't too keen on the idea of a big wedding either.  Ideally, I don't think either of us would have invited anyone if my family wasn't...well... my family.  At one point DH suggested that we just get married without telling anyone and just changing my facebook status to Married.  When I found out I was pregnant, this didn't do much to our wedding plans, except we decided we should get it done sometime before the baby came.

We set the date for September 3rd, just after I hit the 20 week mark in my pregnancy and sent out the following email to our potential guests:

Hi All,


In order to be eco-friendly (and cheap... postage is very expensive now!) I am emailing all of you to let you know that we have set a date for our highly extravagent nuptuals. We will be entering into wedded bliss on Friday, September 3rd at 2:00 pm in the highly acclaimed County Clerks Office.


We tried to schedule it for a convenient time, but ran into a few problems.


1. They are only open Monday-Friday from 8-4


2. We are trying to save sick/vacation time for Carlos (our fetus), so we will be honeymooning at home, and will be taking advantage of the 3 day weekend that follows.


3. There were only 3 remaining slots available on that day. The others were in the morning, and DF has informed me that if he is taking a day off at work, he'd like to work in a round of golf in the morning.


The woman who works in the clerks office has informed us that there is room for 20ish people (to be exact) in the room where the ceremony will be taking place, but if it's a nice day we can go outside so I can go ahead and invite as many people as I want.


I'm hoping you guys will be able to make it, but know that you have jobs and other things going on. We understand if you can't make it, but we are hoping that if you aren't able to join us that you will be able to come to the party we will be having the following day (Saturday the 4th) at my, i mean, our house.


We don't really have any other details worked out for the wedding/party so comments and suggestions are welcome. We were thinking we might be able to find a place big enough for those who are able to come to go out to dinner on Friday night and I'm thinking DF and I may stay at a hotel that night and leave the house for anyone who might like a place to stay and likes sharing their sleeping space with animals.


Peace out!

PS. Grandpa Trini can come as well, but I know he's struggling with the email. Did I forget anyone else?

12 Weeks Pregnant

I'm now 12 weeks pregnant... just 28 more, or 195 days to go.  Hmmm.  That's a long way to go.  I was thinking this week would mark the end of my first trimester, which I have been so looking forward to, but it looks like I won't officially be done until the end of week 13.

I'm ready for the nausea to go away.  I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of week 11, but toward the end of the week, I was convinced most of the time that I was going to puke.  So far, still no vomit.  Just that terrible feeling. 

According to TheBump, the baby is now the size of a plum.  This plum is just starting to make my already chubby belly pouch a little more.  The bloat started early on, but now I'm having more than a little trouble buttoning my pants.  It doesn't help that I have always tried to mimic sausage by squeezing into the smaller size when given the choice between 2.   Thankfully, my first pair of maternity pants arrived the night before last via UPS.  I bought them because they were regularly $29 , on sale for $18.99 at Old Navy. I don't want to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes, so I snagged them right away, and it looks like I am going to need them sooner rather than later.  And I'll be investing in a Bella Band soon as well.   

My growing tummy is starting to get uncomfortable.  It feels tight, and I can nolonger sleep on my stomach, which is why I'm working on this post at 5 am on a Sunday.  I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in.  Luckily, by about 9 pm I've been so wiped out that falling asleep hasn't been a problem.  However, its been weeks since I made it a whole night without having to pee.  Falling back to sleep has been a major problem. 

On a plus side, for now at least, my boobs aren't in constant pain.  I have been dreading hugs and avoiding my pouncing pets wishing I could wear armor.  DF grabbed them last night, as he is doing more and more as they get bigger and bigger, and I didn't cry out in pain.  BTW, why does he act like I'm faking when I tell him they hurt?!?!   

I'm starting to take belly pictures.  I know, it looks like I'm about 6 months along, but I had most of the squish before we started baby making.  Imagine the bottom bump being roughly the size of the bump between the baby and my boobs.  I kind of wish I had taken some before pics, or at least earlier along, but this will have to do.  And the angle is funny, but this is harder than it looks.  I tried to do it using the bathroom mirror, but it's too dirty, and I'm too lazy to clean it. 

While we have had some thrilling experiences so far (first and second ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, seeing baby move on the ultrasound), I'm ready to move on.  I want to feel the baby move and find out what kind we are having so I cant start buying fun stuff.  The waiting is driving me nuts, but there is alot more waiting to come.  

One final thought... aside from a few select people, we are not revealing our top baby names.  I'm going to name my baby whatever I want, and I have gotten more than enough unsolicited feedback on the names we are thinking about.  So I have developed a new standard response.  When someone asks what we will name the baby, I simply say, "Carlos". 

 

Chubby Bride

Its official. On September 3rd, DF will be getting an upgrade to DH.

We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.

There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.

Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.

So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:

1. Schedule the wedding
2. Buy my wedding band
3. Buy his wedding band
4. Get our marriage license (The great thing about city hall is that we can do that the day of!)
5. Sent out evites
6. Get something to wear to wedding
7. Get something to wear for party
8. Plan our post wedding party
9. Finish landscaping backyard so it doesn't look like a weed garden at said party

Hmm, I think that might be all, but in all honesty, I have no idea. The list will grow as we get closer, but I have the essentials (ie. me getting two new outfits and a new piece of jewelery)

Baby, Baby, Baby

While DF has been telling everyone that we are expecting, I have been much more reserved. The biggest reason is that I have been TERRIFIED that something would go wrong. In fact, when I called for our first appointment, and they told me that I would need to wait until I was 8 weeks along, I asked the advice nurse, "Are you sure it will be okay until then?". She replied, "This is your first pregnancy, isn't it?" Damnit, already outted as a nervous new mommy.
At our 8 week appointment they had me take a pregnancy test. Although I'd taken several over a few days myself, it had been a few weeks. What if I wasn't even pregnant? I checked to make sure that the test was positive before the doc came in.

The doctor asked about a million questions before performing the ultrasound. And there, up on the screen, was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen, a little blob with a gigantic head and arm and a huge belly. I sobbed uncontrollably, while the doctor took several measurements, informing me that I was 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant. We were able to listen to the rapid thump, thump, thump of baby's heartbeat, which was an insane 189 bpm. Doc informed us that while a normal range is 100-169 bpm, babies sometimes get a little upset by the vaginal ultrasound, causing their heartrate to spike.

Then we went over all the screening options. What genetic disorders would I like to be tested for? We decided that we would do a first trimester blood screening, an NT ultrasound, and a quad screening and avoid more invasive diagnostic tests unless the results to the screening tests brought bad news.

Yesterday, I had the NT ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping, but after a little pushing on my belly, baby woke up and started kicking and pounding fists like crazy. The NT was normal, though we need to wait a week for the final results, and we were able to confirm that baby has 2 arms and 2 legs and a normal heartbeat. Later, I had a physical to review lab results. The NP wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, but said it was moving too much to do it with the doppler (I think thats what it was) alone, so I got to do a second ultrasound! Best day ever. We confirmed that I have quite a wiggly worm on my hands.  And she is teeny tiny... only 5.22 cm!

So, the good news we got yesterday makes me feel more relaxed about being a little more "out" about my pregnancy. Will be posting frantically!

Knocked Up

I was never positive that I wanted be a mom.  I'd gotten used to life with DF, a job I love, and our house full of pets, and for the first time in my life I was truly happy.  I knew a baby would turn our world upside down.  DF and I had been living together for over 3 years, and we didn't plan on our engagement in December, and our city hall wedding, whenever we got around to it, to change anything about our relationship other than my last name.

But in the last few years, everytime I saw a baby, I felt this pull.  Something was missing from our lives.  I was both fascinated and terrified at the prospect of having a baby, but would we ever be ready? 

Daisy, on her first night with us. 

In February, DF brought home Daisy, an undernourished, parasite ridden 13-week-old  lab-husky mix.  I was immediately in love with her.  We enrolled her in puppy obedience classes, got rid of the fleas, eye infection, roundworm and giardia and started to fatten up this little pup.  She brought a new kinds of chaos and responsibility and love into our lives.  I think DF was hoping this would quell the baby fever, but it made it worse.

On March 15th, I got my layoff notice from work.  Devastated, I worried that this would push back our plans of soon starting to try for a baby.  DF had a well paying job, and if we needed to, we could live off of what he made, but we wouldn't be saving anything.  We'd also decided that when we did have a baby, I'd take a year off from teaching.  If I wasn't working next year, how would we ever be able to save enough for me to take time off when a baby came?

DF had a "brilliant" idea, possibly only proposed because he was trying to stop me from sobbing over my layoff notice.  What if we just started trying for a baby now?  Once we'd gotten engaged, I started taking prenatal vitamins and cutting out baby unfriendly foods from my diet, so my body would be ready when we were, so that wasn't a concern.  I'd also read in What to Expect Before Your Expecting, that it takes the average couple 6 months to get pregnant, and I'd been taking the pill for almost 10 years, so it would probably take awhile to get out of my system.  In the meantime, I'd continue to look for a job, and if I got one, or my old job back, we'd stop trying and got back to our original plan.

I'm sure you see the holes in this plan, as I now do, but it made perfect sense at the time.    

On April 25th I had a job interview, and came home and cried afterword, not really for any reason in particular.  DF and I fought all weekend and I had what I thought was the most terrible PMS of my life.  I had cramps and I was bloated and beyond irritable, but my period didn't start.  I was scheduled to go to a bachelorette party in Las Vegas the next weekend, so I would be able to drink and relax worry free, and I was positive that my period would be starting any minute.

I know you are supposed to wait 5 minutes before you look at that little stick after you pee on it, but I peaked to reassure myself that I wasn't pregnant.  There was a very faint plus sign.  Shit.

I ran upstairs to tell DF, and as soon as I saw him, I started sobbing.  " I think I'm pregnant."

He ran over and hugged me and looked happy and confused.  "Why are you crying?" he asked.

"We aren't ready to have a baby!  What were we thinking?"

We agreed that before we got excited (him) or terrified (me) that we should confirm our results.  Two tests later, we were still pregnant.  He did his best to be excited for the both of us, while I worried about what we would do.

I feel bad that this was my initial reaction to the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life, but being pregnant changes everything more than anyone can ever convey to another person.  I could only think about all the things I needed to do and the fear of not being a good enough provider for this little one.

The conclusion I have come to is that no matter how much you want it, no one is ever really ready for a baby.  DF and I decided to close our eyes, hang on tight, and enjoy the ride.